OMG the ass wiping reminded me of a terrible story. I went through boot camp in Florida, in the summer. Sometimes we'd be out marching around in all our heavy gear, and it would start storming, so we'd get soaked. Then the sun would come back out and we'd keep marching in the intense heat and humidity. Rashes and heat boils were common. But this one girl was really in pain - she could barely walk and had to go to medical. Now in boot camp, they do their best to try to break your psyche, so instead of keeping it private, our Company Commander wanted to embarrass the shit out of her - so she announced to our whole company that the reason this girl was in so much pain was because she never wiped her ass, and....well I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.