I can relate. My mom was rude, racist, snobby and like to fight, especially with me - she was abusive. She lied, cheated on dad, schemed and was really not a nice person. She was also very smart/intelligent, very religious (!), and generous with money - though I think that was more to show off. She introduced me to the arts and sent me to prep school and finishing school. Sooo...I am kind, compassionate, diplomatic and don't argue, raise my voice or hit my son. My son is 17 and just an upstanding citizen, honor roll student and all-around great kid. I always say that the way I am, and the way I raise him, is 50% how I was raised, and 50% the OPPOSITE of how I was raised.