Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-31 15:10:57

ID: 58324

She must be registered in DEERS. She and the baby have TriCare. I believe he's getting the extra $ for having a wife and child; I also believe he's keeping it. I know when I was a military wife (over 40 years ago!) my ex got an additional $300 a month for being married. Surely it's more than the $400-$600 he's putting into her account now. I'll suggest she find a group where she can ask questions. Thank you SO much for all the info you've shared!!

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-31 10:11:07

ID: 58322

DEERS is the Dendense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System, it’s basically how they keep track of dependents... you need to be enrolled in it to get Tricare or any benefits from the military. If she’s in that then his bosses should arelady know he’s married. Idk the exact details for the other branches, and I was never super involved in the FRG when my ex-husband was active.. but he’d most likely be getting more money for having a family, it would all go to him though (I feel like you saying her “getting her allotment” makes you think the military will pay her directly) with the expectations that he’d use it to take care of his family. You could probably still look up a Facebook page for the base nearest her, or his if you know where he’s stationed, and ask one of the more active wives, sometimes service members are in the groups too, to explain things to you so you have more solid facts to go to your DGD with about what’s bull and what should really be going on.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-30 02:56:12

ID: 58304

What is DEERS? I'm not in the same state as DGD right now, and I think he's going back to his ship tomorrow (his ship is off the coast of a foreign country). I've explained to her that he won't be broke if she gets her allotment, but who knows what BS he's told her since he's been home? He's in the Navy and the nearest base is six hours away. If she'd just let me, I'd get to the bottom of his BS in a matter of hours! I agree....he sounds shady as hell, but I appreciate any help you can pass my way.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-30 00:37:34

ID: 58302

Does that mean she isn’t even registered in DEERS? His chain of command should know he’s married if she is registered... wow. Have you tried telling her what you do remember? Or maybe reach out to a local to her marine support page, there’s always something on Facebook... search the base nearest her, and see if there’s any marine wives who can talk to her about what he’s doing... because that all sounds shady as hell.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-28 12:40:17

ID: 58285

Her DH is serving aboard ship. I'm an ex-Marine wife and I know the steps to getting BAQ allotment. The problem is he BS's my DGD, telling her that if he tells CO he's married with a kid, they'll take $ out of his check and he'll be broke. I know that's not true! He gets additional $; he doesn't have to give part of his regular paycheck to her. He convinced her to get a debit card linked to the Navy (my 'tour of duty' was so Lon ago that I don't know anything about debit cards), and he deposits $200-$300 every two weeks into it. I know he's getting twice that in BAQ allotment! She's just trying not to rock the boat, but my DD and son in law are all in for starting the perfect storm with this guy.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-28 07:05:03

ID: 58283

She doesn’t even NEED to file, she just has to go to his chain of command and talk to them about how he isn’t contributing, obviously legal documents are the way to go, but for an immediate temporary fix...he needs to support her to an extent and if his chain of command finds out he isn’t they’ll make him fix it quickly. And she just needs to keep going up the chain until they do. As for the living on her own thing... is he in the barracks? She should really call the jag office and set up an appointment for advice... I know you haven’t posted much, but as an ex army wife it sounds like there’s a lot of things wrong about what he’s telling her

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-27 22:37:12

ID: 58279

Good for you! Doesn’t it make you think like why is that person saying shit like that? What is their motive? What are they trying to gain? My sil made multiple snide comments at my expense on Christmas. I was so hurt and confused, like what did I ever do to her? I’ve really tried hard to be a good sil and be supportive about her postpartum depression. Dh thinks I’m being over sensitive but that’s easy to say when someone isn’t making snotty comments about you in front of everyone.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-27 14:07:47

ID: 58270

Woot! Get it, girl!

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-27 02:52:49

ID: 58267

I finally stood up to SIL about her off-hand remarks and unneeded/asked for advice! This Christmas, I was feeding my son a sandwich because I didn't want him to wait until the late dinner. I hear her say "Mommy is finally feeding you!", I just stopped and asked, "What are you trying to say?" I waited a minute and said "Because if you are trying to once again criticize my parenting let me just say I don't care. You throw your little comments and act like you aren't going to get called out. I am doing it right now. I am not going to listen to your unasked advice,your opinions or catty remarks. Save your breath and my time. When I need help,it won't be from someone who doesn't even know how to make a bottle." I kept quiet for so long as to not rock the boat, after dealing with her shit...I'm willing to sink the boat!

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-27 00:52:46

ID: 58264

I agree 100%! When DGD came to us and told us she was pregnant, she told me her mom said they need to get married. The Ki d was in the military and I knew she'd get military allowances for her and the baby. But I also told her that being pregnant doesn't mean she has to be married. She lives at her parents' house, they watch the baby when DGD is working, and I'm sure they're contributing to DGD's expenses. The husband posts stuff on Facebook that he was out drinking with another country's military, or 'I'm the next white guy who's gonna get rich rappin'. I, for one, think she should sue him for child support. I checked with the military and found out DGD is getting HALF the allotment that he's probably getting. I fully expect him to hit the road within a couple years.

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