My DH and I dated for three years before we married. While dating, I NEVER spent the night on weekends he had his kids, and was never upset to let them have time with their dad. Their mom got married to the guy she was cheating with 31 days after their parents' divorce was final, and by the time I came into the picture she was on her third marriage. The kids had NO stability with her, and though I'd never been a step parent, I felt it was important for me not to invade family time. The four of us talked, spent quality time together, and had fun, but I told them up front I knew they had a mom. They were thrilled when we got married, Then when SD hit 14 she became disrespectful and started spouting stuff her mom said (her dad really scraped the bottom with me...a Mexican???). It's been a roller coaster for 30+ years. I know divorce affects kids, but why is it the step-parent who gets treated so badly? It's a rhetorical question....Not trying to start a fight here.