I hope you can find some answers, OP. It might take a lot of work to get to a better relationship with food, but you can do it. My eating disorder treatment team actually didn't discourage the binges at first; they just had me writing down my feelings about them and they taught me some things to do that I could distract myself from bingeing. It did help, but it took a lot of learning about myself before I made much progress. If you can do some sort of residential treatment, that might be the best setting for you, but I also know it's extremely expensive and not always feasible to do that.