As a child of parents who are alcoholic and suffer form anger issues/mental illness, I can tell you what it was/is like for me, and maybe your DS feels similar. Asking for forgiveness means a lot. Letting your child know that the words you speak in anger are not how you feel about him, but are reflections of how you feel about yourself would also mean a lot. Tell him how much it would help you if he would go to therapy with you, but understand that he might not feel ready. And let him know that the best thing he can do for himself is get out of the situation of depending his parents, which means getting a job and being self sufficient as soon as possible. At least, that is what I wish my parents had been able to do for me. I know you are working to a better life, and it is a long, hard road, but I believe you will get there.