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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-16 18:52:11
ID: 57227
I think there's a huge difference between getting an illness by chance, and getting one by choice. Anyone over the age of 65 is technically at risk of heart disease, but if a person is a smoker it's pretty much guaranteed that they've permanently damaged their cardiovascular system. I would absolutely care for my dh if he got sick, but I wouldn't want to be married to someone who was knowingly killing themselves. I didn't sign up for that shit.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-16 17:55:49
ID: 57256
In response to a confession. So what if you would stay with a smoker? We all have different limits and boundaries. I wouldn't necessarily split with my DH if he started smoking, but I'd be pissed about it and wouldn't want to kiss him or be around him. It's gross and I find it extremely unattractive. And the op has a legit point about not wanting to care for him when it inevitably takes a toll on his body. Sure, we all run the risk of getting sick someday, but he's knowingly killing himself. Plus, it's an enormous waste of money.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-16 14:37:19
ID: 57252
In response to a confession. My dh also smokes. We both smoked as well when we met but I quit 7 years ago. He's still puffing away. I hate that he still smokes and stinks because of it( although no smoking in house or my car). I do think the ultimatum of either "keep smoking or stay married" is a tad dramatic.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-15 22:07:51
ID: 57246
I'm the OP with the DH who's been smoking. I yelled, cried, talked, and he said the usual 'I understand what you're saying.' Today I moved into a spare bedroom and told him that I refuse to sleep with someone who lies to me. I told him that as of today he's making a conscious choice to either smoke or be married. I told him I'm moving forward with my life and whether he's in it will be his decision. He said he's had his last cig. Time will tell. BTW, we both smoked when we met. I quit after 46 years of smoking, and he's in his 49th year.
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Posted by: hanginin
2018-10-15 17:24:49
ID: 57245
In response to a confession. I said that because I've seen it happen. More than once. Once they get sick they come creeping back into your life.. you're still the next of kin on all the forms, you're still the contact person... all the doctors and social workers and who-ever that winds up dealing with him... they ALL look to you to deal with his issues, find him a place to go, help him with treatments, bla bla bla. Find him another woman was a bit much, yeah. But this does happen. All the time. It happened to a relative of my XDH and I felt so bad for her. That asshole ruined her life six ways from Sunday, even after she divorced him.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-15 02:31:03
ID: 57236
Seeing my coworkers boyfriends and how sweetly they are together makes me sad that I'm single.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-14 12:36:51
ID: 57223
In response to a confession. I don't think anyone should let anyone's else's bad choices ruin their life. I gave my DH the ultimatum about smoking, I did not marry a smoker, he started smoking after we got married.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-14 12:10:11
ID: 57222
The only reason I know what it feels like to be unselfishly loved is because you loved me.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-14 00:20:30
ID: 57217
As far as caregiving goes...yeah, I suppose an ultimatum like that might scare someone into quitting a risky behavior. But my dad has had to become a caregiver quite early to my mom and although she didn't live a perfectly pristinely healthy life, she got sick and couldn't take care of herself at a mere 54 years old. I can't imagine telling my DH "Oh, better stop every single bad habit you have because I'm not taking care of you if you have a heart attack or get Parkinson's or Alzheimer's or cancer". So much for in sickness and in health, I guess.
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Posted by: anonymous
2018-10-12 23:49:04
ID: 57206
In response to a confession. First of all, I'm not divorcing him. Second of all, find him another woman? What the actual fuck, lady??!! I had a talk with him; told him that his kids (I've been their SM for 35 years) would have to take care of him because he lied about quitting, and that I'd live life like I thought WE would live it without him because he's a liar. He's very apologetic, but I'm no fool.
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