Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-04 12:53:13

ID: 57922

The psychology behind cheating is so much more complicated than falling out of love, wanting more sex, or even being generally emotionally unhealthy. It's about the rush of endorphins that comes with breaking the rules, lacking empathy, having impulse control issues, and the general inability to control self-destructive urges. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but hopefully you get the gist. The op who called it narcissistic behavior wasn't wrong-- people like this do generally have some narcissistic tendencies. Should they be stoned to death? No, of course not. But I typically tend to advise my patients to avoid relationships with these people until they've worked on themselves in therapy and can understand, and care, that they hurt people with their actions.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-04 12:52:30

ID: 57931

My h also had an emotional affair with one of my closest friends. I found out just weeks after we got married.. I trusted both implicitly, but suddenly something felt off, and I started digging. He'd been feeling emotionally disconnected from me, but instead of talking about it with ME, he talked about it with HER. And she ran with it. Holy shit, some of the things I found, including a letter she'd sent to him "at his hotel while on a business trip* OMG, she played on his emotions so hard. And the phone bills. Thousands of texts in the months before we got married. (She lives in another state.) If he'd slept with her I would have divorced immediately, and let him know I would if I ever found out they were in contact again. If you want your cake, eat it somewhere else, not at my house!

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-04 12:47:49

ID: 57933

I was cheated on. That wasn't the worst of it, the worst of it was when I I started having weird symptoms regarding my lady bits. I knew something was off. I went to Planned Parenthood and my found out ex gave me not one STD but THREE! Yes, THREE! I was so ashamed and embarrassed after the clinician came in and told me. A year ago I looked up that cheating, controlling and abusive loser and his life is in shambles. He's a meth head, living with his parents, has heart issues that required heart surgery, has no job and probably never will. Karma never loses an address, it sure found him for all the wrong he did to me. To see how his life was, it was utterly satisfying. No, I will never forgive him for all the pain he caused me. He cheated on numerous times, controlled me, ruined my credit, physically abused me.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-04 03:31:31

ID: 57950

DH and I have two adult kids, six grands, and one great-grand. Kids haven't given us birthday or Christmas gifts in five years. No animosity. They just stopped. This Christmas is when we stop. Grandkids (all are 15 or older) will get cash and the great-grand will get a ride-on toy.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-02 22:37:48

ID: 57938

.Ripping on a person for being a cheater is completely normal. There's nothing to be proud of for being a cheater. There's absolutely no redeeming quality about being a cheater. It's disgusting, and seeing/hearing other people's disgust is the price you pay for disgusting behavior.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-12-02 02:29:01

ID: 57929

My husband had an emotional affair with one of my friends. I almost divorced him over it. I gave him all the sex he wanted, too--at least 2x a week, plus. The reason he fell for her was because she flirted with him and paid him more attention. I just kind of took all that for granted because we were married. We had counseling and talked about it a lot, but it still hurt me so much. I don't think I would have forgiven him if he'd slept with her. If you don't want to be with me, leave me--don't keep having sex with me and living in my house and eating my food and sleep with some other chick on the side. I heartily agree with Stormyweather on this one--if you feel the need to cheat, on someone, you need to leave. It's not just something that people do just because their needs aren't being met. There is another person involved in this that has feelings that are being disregarded.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-11-30 17:16:27

ID: 57918

You're not inferior. You went through hell is what it sounds like. I've been cheated on, too. I've been through a small part of what you went through. I'd never wish it on anyone. All I'm saying is that people are human, they make mistakes and errors in judgment. And it might be unrealistic, but I've got it in my head that my DH loves me and if he were to cheat it wouldn't be because he resents me or doesn't love me. My first DH cheated and fell in love with another woman, and left me for her. He clearly didn't love me or want to be with me anymore. All I'm saying is that's not always the case.

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Posted by: Stormyweather

2018-11-30 15:06:42

ID: 57914

I think this is a very unrealistic idea of cheating. If you love someone, and respect them at all, you don't cheat just because you want more sex. Sex is never so important to do that betrayal to someone. People that cheat are selfish and don't care about anyone's feelings. They should just break up with the person, rather than cheat on them.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-11-30 14:04:34

ID: 57913

When it comes to cheating, you have no idea how you will react until it happens to you. Until you're sitting in a gown at the doctor getting tested and they give you a sad look and tell you that you need blood tests for HSV2, HIV, and hepatitis C. Until your spouse sits you down and tells you his mistress is pregnant. Until you find the texts and emails and your world is shattered. Until you're in court fighting about custody and child support. Even the best case scenario is gut wrenchingly horrible and humiliating. It tilts your whole world. I'm not talking about someone you're only dating. I'm talking about a person you took vows with and built your entire life around. So, I totally understand when people are triggered by someone who is unapologetic about cheating. If you can be all rainbows and butterflies about it, good for you. You're better than me. I just have to live with being inferior, I guess.

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Posted by: anonymous

2018-11-30 12:38:35

ID: 57911

Where cheating is concerned: if it were done to me, I'd want it to be discreet, I'd want him to arrange it so no one finds out, and I'd want him to not fall in love with the person. We're all human and humans have wants and needs. I just feel like sometimes cheating is just a thing that happens and doesn't mean that your spouse has stopped loving you or being committed to you. I love my DH, and he loves me and shows me every day that he does. If he were to cheat, I honestly wouldn't want to know about it. It's not always, "I hate my wife, she's so awful, I want to be with you now," sometimes it's "I love my wife, but I really like you and want to have more sex than I currently do." I don't think my DH is cheating, but if he did I wouldn't just assume the worst and end the relationship. But I'm imagining a best-case-scenario cheating situation.

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