That’s awful, but just because these things happened to you doesn’t make it right for you to attack another person’s character and belittle their feelings. I’m in the same boat as you as far as my marriage goes, minus the STD and I’m working on getting out of it. Cheating-check. Physical abuse-check. Sexual assault-check. Manipulation-check, but I realize it’s not right to take my situation out on other people. I can also relate to the OP’s feelings of being in love with someone else, but that’s not why i want to leave my h. Am I cheating? No. Am I going to run to this man and move in with him? No, but I could. The “cheating” OP seems like they’re beating themselves up over emotional cheating, which yeah, is a thing, but it’s not even close to a real affair. So their admission seems to only be about talking to this guy, because if you read back, that’s all that has happened. Maybe she’s sending him nudes, but she hasn’t said that.