RELATIONSHIPS CHANNEL
Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-02 18:59:12
ID: 61204
My original post explained how proud I was of DH for announcing that he had quit smoking (after several tries after I had quit a year earlier), how I gave him one atta-boy after another to friends and family because I knew how hard it was, and how he had been hiding it from everyone that he hadn’t quit. My reality is that he’s not afraid of me, and his reasons for lying are on him. I resent the psychology lesson implying that I may be the reason he lied. I believe, and everyone who knows me knows that I believe, that telling the truth and suffering the consequences for one’s actions and moving on is a hell of a lot better than telling one lie after another to cover the first one. Had he told me that he couldn’t quit, I’d have offered support. My temperament is just fine, thank you very much.
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-02 15:03:41
ID: 61190
People have motives for lying. I lied to my ex husband about quitting smoking. I often smoked behind his back, because quitting for me was a bitch and he had the temperament of an angry ten year old and it would have led to me being screamed at and being emotional blackmailed. Fuck yeah, he was part of the problem. I lied to him out of fear. Relationships are complicated. For those of y'all who live in black and white worlds, more power to ya. I live in reality, where shit is messy. Sidenote: now that I'm remarried to a man who properly communicates, I've quit smoking. He knew about every relapse, and will know if I start again in the future. If your spouse won't talk to you about something, there's likely some fear there, and you probably play a role in that. Just because that doesn't fit your narrative, doesn't mean it isn't true. If there's one thing I took away from marriage counseling, it was to own your part in the relationship.
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 17:29:16
ID: 61184
Shit, a guys talking to me. Why do I always attract people well out of my league?!
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 17:28:23
ID: 61183
In response to a confession. Why would you ask yourself what YOU did wrong if the guy lied about quitting? The question is what’s HIS problem that he can’t be a grown up and admit he hasn’t quit? There are people in this world whose breaking point is being lied to. I understand 100%, and believe a lie is a lie. The ‘varying degrees’ of lies is a personal choice.
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 05:54:09
ID: 61093
Now I'm thinking about the varying degrees of lies. If my husband lied to me about screwing someone else, we'd be done. If he lied to me about smoking cigarettes, I'd be pissed, but I'd mostly be hurt that he didn't tell me he couldn't quit. I'd be wondering about what is it about me that made him feel like he had to hide that. Now, let's say he was drinking and driving and told me he'd quit, but he was still doing it... I'd most likely want to divorce him. IDK, that's just me.
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 05:53:43
ID: 61118
One of my front teeth of is a crown. Cost me $800. It looks pretty good but I can tell it doesn't look exactly like my other front tooth. No one ever notices it. If your other crowns are in the back, ask if they'll do metal ones. They're cheaper and they last longer. Many dentists insist that they will only do porcelain crowns, but I pitched a bitch because every back porcelain crown I've ever gotten has had to be redone. Now I'll only get metal.
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 05:50:19
ID: 61125
My fwb was going to meet up with me but is too low energy. I’m irrationally disappointed. It’s not about me but hurts my ego a lot. Why am I disappointed a man with whom we have only drunk sex, in unavailable. The sex wasn’t great, but it was sex...ugh.
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 04:55:45
ID: 61180
In response to a confession. The topic of the timing belt came up again the other day. When H is on a work trip, his meal per diem is deposited into his account on Mondays - BUT sometimes there's a glitch and it's a day or two (sometimes even a week) late. He still doesn't understand not to count his chickens before they're hatched, and he schedules bill payments as if that money's already there. On Monday he asked me to Venmo him some money because a bill came out and he was overdrawn. We began talking about other bills and I mentioned the belt. He said since ds has been working so much, he'll have some nice checks to put towards it. I reminded him that it was supposed to be a GIFT for grad and he still pushed for ds to contribute. I said NO, he's paid for the last two repairs, his money is for his books for college, so this is his GIFT AS YOU SAID!!! What an asshole!
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-08-01 04:21:21
ID: 61148
There is no point of wasting my time, sanity trying to make this work. I get off work today. He called in to do his laundry. Because he refuses to bring his dirty clothes down stairs so it's my fault he only had dirty clothes. He's calling in again on my day off to pick fights with me. He's been a asshole since I got home. He sits around or takes off on his days off while I do all the work on mine. I told him tomorrow I will not be at home! Nothing I say/do/like/want ect is good enough. One year and I'm gone. I hate him more daily. He's a controlling asshole that only cares about himself. He can't figure out why telling me what to do, how to do it, what I can or cannot do makes me mad. I'm done getting treated like shit. Life is to short to deal with assholes!
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Posted by: anonymous
2019-07-30 23:09:50
ID: 61160
I’m the OP of the DH who lied about smoking. It broke my heart that he had lied every day for a year, and I was contemplating where our marriage was headed. Then we had family come in to visit for a few days and he was the perfect host. I then had a severe blood sugar event, and he took over like a pro. I heard him say that life wouldn’t be worth living if something ever happened to me. Kinda put things in perspective. As someone here mentioned, this isn’t the hill I want my marriage to die on.
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