Just wanted to say to both of you who think you may have a personality disorder, it never means you can't be loved, even if it's avoidant. I have avoidant and borderpolar, and I've been v. happily married for 10 years. You just need an understanding partner and a willingness to work on yourself. TBH, most people are not healthy, because most of our parents, well intentioned or not, had no clue what they were doing. I think if everybody in the world was assessed for mental illness, none of us would be totally healthy. You can do a lot to help yourself with books and support groups even if you can't afford therapy, but get therapy if you can, and research the best type for your illness first. If you need medication take medication and don't let people shame you for that, it's YOUR life. At the same time, medication is not the be all end all and don't expect magic, use it to help yourself. You are NOT fucked for life so please don't think you are, and you deserve love. We all do.