I think the real problem here is that you are caring what other people think. I have family members are still think that women are suppose to be in charge of the house, so if they see our place as messy, they talk to be about it instead of DH. I tell them that DH is in charge of cleaning, so they should talk to him about it. If they want to talk about food though, that is on me. Overall, I am smart and not afraid to show it, but try not to be arrogant. I exercise and eat well, because I want to be healthy. I don't wear makeup or dress stylishly or have big boobs, and haven't seen a way that has hurt me. I have no kids, because I didn't want to be in charge of children, and ditto for DH. In fact, I am only in charge of me, and DH is in charge of him. And there is no one whose opinion I care about that has ever had an issue with the way either of us live.