Hon, please, please get some help. You don't even realize how far down you are. Even if there were someone to care for your kids properly, it wouldn't be you, and that is who they need. If you can't get help for your own sake, get it for theirs and you will see that you are worth it. Your life has value, hang on and get through this. Your non-existence would affect people more than you realize. Get help, get through this, and one day you will look back and see what you would have missed and be glad that you worked through it. You are worth it. You are loved. Stay strong.