DH has a history of bipolar. He refuses to get help. I don't how much more of this I can take.Some days he is fine, some not too bad, some horrible. Last week he argued with me at 630am when I had a sore throat and a cough. I had mentioned that maybe his son from his first marriage should not visit this weekend because I dont want to get him sick. He "Let me know right now so I can text (exdw) now because if I wait till Friday she wlll be pissed" It would have been nice if he just had the common effing sense to tell her I was sick and its best I dont get his son sick and have him next weekend instead. So I ended up saying no and feeling like the bad guy. Today he went to Taco Bell and didin't get me anything. He knew I hadnt eaten lunch yet. I told him it would it would have been nice if he called and asked if I wanted something. He told me he wasn't going to "let me guilt him" and went in the other room to eat.. We were both off work today. I am going to ask my boss if I can switch my day off next week to a day when DH will be working. We have only been married 3 years.I think about leaving him then remember the days when he is fine and loving. The day I had the sore throat I was very close to mentioning divorce. My heart is breaking, but at the same time, I wonder what my life would be like without him, and all the exdw/stepson drama (he jumps when she says to).

My SLE is attacking my heart. I just realized today this crap might actually kill me. I don't want to die

Several years ago, I responded to a post on CL from a guy asking for someone to cuddle with. I was going through a divorce and was starved for affection, so I took a chance and answered. He was much younger than me, but we really hit it off. There was no sex, but just kissing, hugging, and cuddling. It lasted for 4 months before he had to move out of state for work. He was such a sweetheart, so gentle, loving and respectful. I wish the CL Hug poster lots of luck meeting a safe friend to have your touch needs met. :)

I miss smoking pot. The rolling of joints, taking killer bong rips, the packing of bowls, the smell of skunk bud, the killer high of thai bud, using roach clips, and just being stoned. I loved waking and baking. I loved having the munchies, i loved laying out on beach and smoking a fatty. But I hate that my body changed and just doesn't like it anymore. I'll always be a stoner at heart though.

My doctor recommended I try going off of zoloft. Without it, I get filled with anxiety just talking to people. My heart races til my head aches. I get so nervous in a normal conversation that I stutter. On it nothing like that happens and I can function like a normal person.

I was rereading some of our early emails to each other, back when we were hot and heavy, and he made such declarations, such promises! Where did that guy go? Hurts my heart. I loved him so much.

My fiancé(I've always hated that word) cheated in the past. I'm the first one he's ever cheated on.(special huh) Anyway we worked things out or so I thought. He locked me out of the house when he knew I was coming home from a 12 hours shift. He ignored my calls, Wouldn't answer the door bell, left me outside for a half hour. Then he flipped out because I was mad. Told me to get the F*** out of his house! I packed my stuff, paid for a uhaul, storage shed, paid for friends to help, He decides he didn't mean it, wanted me to move back in. I told him no. He wanted me out because he was talking to the girl he cheated with. He ran straight out to the bar to hang out with her. I'm done but feel stupid! 7 years of lies. It doesn't hurt as bad as the first time. It's hard to walk away even though I know he didn't/doesn't love me. The girl he cheated with has his heart. I know leaving is the right thing to do. It still makes you feel like crap.

My grandmother used to cry in the night before she died. She had dementia, so she was far far away remembering horrible things that none of us knew about. I'd wake up to her absolutely heartbreaking wails, and go hold her hand through the night. She didn't remember who I was at that point, but she would slowly lull back to sleep. Now that she's gone I wake up to her cries at night as if they were just in the other room. I miss her, and would give anything to hold her hand again. I hope she isn't crying anymore.

One of the most important insights into healing that I've ever read came from the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Love." It said that healing a broken heart doesn't come in a straight line, but more of a zig-zag. That you will take steps forward in healing and not thinking of that person, and then you will regress. This thought helps me. Today, I am regressing.

Hey poster who is trying to make it by on $250 for 3? Make your own sauces. For about $8 I can get about 8-10 cups of tomato sauce by making it from scratch. Throw crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, sauce in a crock pot or cook on the stove on low. Bay leaves a couple teaspoons of sugar and you can do spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce or even make sub sandwiches! I put tons of herbs in, sometimes puree carrots and it's heart healthy and cheap.