Today is Day 1 of the Outdoor leadership program. It's going to be part online and part in-person. I'm feeling weary again since I'll be at least 10 years older than everyone in the room and the in-person meetings. It's a 3-month program, we meet 2 hours every week then meet in person every 2 weeks for the excursions. But I don't know what the time commitment is since I imagine I will need to prep for class and stuff. I still really need to spend free time working on my my mental health. I am absolutely sick of letting the past dictate my present/future, making poor choices, and finally need to address the trauma.

I hate what Trumpism has done to this country. I'm fucking livid about it. I've never felt so helpless. He's just fucking over everyone. The only people who still support him are mentally ill, racist, or billionaire CEOs.

I'm gonna make an appointment for a consultation with a divorce lawyer. I'm tired of doubting and second-guessing myself. I have to face the truth: i no longer love my husband. staying in this relationship is contributing to my poor physical and mental health. we have little in common and should've never gotten married. I'm sure he feels the same way deep down. time for me to set us both free. this is gonna be one of the hardest things I've ever done but it is necessary for us to eventually become whole.

yes, and I am so embarrassed I didnt stand up for myself. I have really bad anxiety and the call didn't go the way I had mentally rehearsed.

DH has never been a good gift giver. I’ve decided to stop waiting for him to miraculously learn how to give good gifts. So for my birthday, I scraped together all my credit card points, redeemed them for gift cards to a department store, and bought myself some ridiculously expensive bedsheets. I’ve been mentally resisting and pooh poohing these bedsheets like you’d do with a bad idea like having an affair. I even read magazine reviews about them that describe the agony of trying to enjoy and not damage horrendously expensive sheets. But oh, they are so worthwhile. And, sort of like with an affair, the guilty secretive pleasure makes them just that much more enjoyable.

My dad hates Trump, like me. My mom is not the most mentally stable person, and she definitely falls into the category of "crazy Trumpet." I was asking my dad about how badly the deferment of the payroll tax is going to hurt me at the end of the year. We weren't bashing Trump at all; my dad, an account, was explaining to me what the tax deferment means to me, and the rest of the country. My mom suddenly exploded and started cussing and freaking out. She stormed out of the room after telling me and my dad to fuck off. It was just so insane and volatile. My dad said she did the same thing to my sister last week. I'm going to stay away from her until after the election.

I'm mentally ill and I don't know how anyone puts up with me. Then again, my DH is also mentally ill and wonders the same thing. Maybe we're stuck with each other. I wonder what it's like to be normal and have a normal husband.

So, since Dad didn’t want to go out into public, we invited him to dinner tonight at our house and he said yes. I made his favorite (baked pasta, Italian salad with homemade dressing and homemade bread with strawberry cheesecake for dessert). He called two hours before arrival time and started asking questions about the yard sale we had three weeks ago. Did we wear masks? Did others wear masks? Have we had COVID symptoms? Then he decided that he may have the virus (though he hasn’t been near another person in a month or more) because he has a 99.8 temp. I love him dearly, but I think his mental health is declining.

Spent hours perfecting an online workshop for the local library only to have 8 participants show up. They weren't that into my topic, I guess. I did one presentation last week, two this week, and I already feel mentally over it. I'm just dipping my toe into leading Zoom classes for work, so I really feel for teachers that have to do this 4-5 hours a DAY.

idk about that. Ive been to no less than 15 of the top rated salons in my area over many years and they were all terrible. And if they did decent nails, their attitudes sucked and they were very judgemental. I've tried repeatedly and never had a relaxing, happy experience having my nails done.