I can't tell if I just hate being married in general or that I hate being married to my DH. When my MIL's abusive asshole father passed away, her mom remarried and said "There is such a huge difference in men". And that stuck with her because she said her stepdad was amazing. My DH has a few good points but his bad ones are starting to outnumber the good and he's starting to do some stupid things that are making me question why I'm still with him. I suppose I'm not perfect either, but ever since he lost his job and won't get a new one because he was overpaid at his last one and can't find a company willing to do that again, he's been a real jackass. I'm getting near the end of my rope.

Anybody else sick and tired of seeing the bad guys win? Because I sure as hell am. I know that the main orange bad guy lost, but it didn't end there like I had dreamed. A whole lot of bad guys are still winning.

Talking of pharma, saw a woman crying on Tiktok about not being able to afford her kid's insulin for the month. I wondered if it could really be that bad, so I checked the private price for a medication I take in my country (no generic available) and it literally would cost me for a month what it costs PER PILL in the US. Not to mention the fact that that medication is basically an old medication which is only under patent because it's a slow release, so the mechanism for that is the patent, the drug itself is 80 years old and frankly, should be cheap as fuck. At this point big pharma looks about as ethical as human trafficking.

My brother is suddenly all over facebook, posting conservative republican anti-democrat shit. Out of nowhere. I'm beginning to think he's back from parler. And it just bums me out so bad. My family dynamic sucks.

For me, I actually was a lot bigger than I am now, but even so. Looking back at pics from high school, I was probably 140-150lbs. That's not so bad. I didn't look anywhere near as fat as I thought I was. ... So, by that logic, WHY on God's green earth do I look at photos of myself now (age 46, weight 120lbs) and think I look fat? There's something wrong with my brain, I tell ya.

I was literally thinking the exact same thing today. People are just exhausting. I feel like I've outgrown almost every friend I've had in the last ten years and I don't have the motivation to go get new ones. Maybe that's bad, but I'm okay with it.

You sound sanctimonious. There's reasons that far right thinking gains traction. If you look over history you will see patterns. Economic instability, a breakdown in social cohesion, demonisation of specific groups, ethnic minorities and women but also people with opposing ideals (which for the current far right would be anyone left of Hitler). Then you throw in media fear propaganda about migrants and how certain ideas/movements are destroying society. It doesn't happen in a vacuum, it happens when people are angry and left to stew, and often it is provoked by the people in power, as happened in Rwanda. So continue to be self righteous AF all you want, while some of us continue to try and prevent a new generation of young people from heading down the same road. If you honestly believe some people are inherently "bad" and cannot be fixed, you're really a short step from someone who wants to throw people in a concentration camp.

I'm going to pick up the violin. I played in middle school and was bad at it. Hoping to practice and trying it again!

I have always been very anti-religion because my own Christian-ish upbringing left me with so many issues. But I listened to a journalist talk about the value of ritual and community and I think he's right. People are alienated and it becomes extremely easy to radicalise the alienated. I also think it's why this eastern mysticism culture has sprung up, because we're seeking something. I think we need to find a way to foster community and purpose without falling into total anti-science rhetoric. We're social animals and when we feel cut off from our society, not only is it really bad for us, but as we're learning, it's fucking dangerous. Because there are plenty of nefarious groups who want to recruit people for really sinister purposes. I say this as a deeply introverted person who has felt very lonely, and I'm only now realising how much damage it has done me. I'm not defending these people it's horrible. I'm interested in HOW we try and prevent this getting worse.

They have gardening stuff out at Fleet Farm and now I'm ready to start mine. Too bad I have to wait like 3 months before I can even start stuff. Stupid cold climate. I really wish sometimes that I lived somewhere a bit more temperate so I could garden longer.