A partner canceled this morning's meeting I had planned to attend with a colleague I manage. When I told her the news, she became really upset saying that I always do this. It's not true. Her sudden emotional outburst caused me to react telling her it wasn't on my fault, take a breather, etc, in a defensive tone. In that moment, I wish I just held back and listened to her with empathy. Still the outburst had me shaking because I hate confrontation especially when it felt out of the blue. She was gone for hours this morning missing our staff meeting, I texted apologizing asking if she was okay, she said she was picking up her stuff and taking a personal day. I feel really terrible for what happened, but don't feel like I was in the wrong. I just wish I simply listened without responding to her aggressive behavior. She hasn't replied all day.

Thank you so much for posting this. I cheated on my boyfriend many years ago, and never really understood why (other than I was a shitty person). He caught me and it was horrible. I haven't cheated on anyone since, but I could never pinpoint why I cheated that time. Yes, it was an emotionally unhealthy relationship, but I why didn't I just leave? But looking back at who I was then, it makes so much more sense! Lacking empathy, check. Impulse control issues, check. Narcissistic tendencies, huge check. My parents both had the same qualities, and I honestly think part of the problem is I had no role models who were empathetic or controlled unhealthy impulses. I'm not saying I'm a completely different person now, but after being surrounded by friends who are good people, I'm at least more self aware and try to be a better person.

“How’s that?” I couldn’t care less. As I just posted a minute ago, how the hell was I supposed to know he eas physically/sexually abusive? So, apparently it’s ok to police some emotional responses on here as long as they are ones that you agree with? Cool, cause that’s what i was responding to. Yeah, that woman is a victim. It doesn’t somehow make her a lovely person and I’m not claiming that I’m a lovely person either.

Best case scenario cheating doesn't exist. Even if you aren't emotionally attached; If you're in a sexual relationship with someone who is bumping uglies with other people behind your back, you're in a shitty, hazardous to your health situation. I can't believe this even needs to be said. I absolutely agree that cheaters are selfish, regardless of their situation. It takes zero effort to keep your genitals to yourself.

I don't have a dog in this fight, but she literally admitted to cheating in 57826. If anyone here is unpleasant, it's YOU. You don't get to police a person's emotional response. The stuff you're saying about her is uncalled for and honestly a little crazy. She said he physically abused her and you're calling HIM a victim. I've read some nasty stuff on here before but damn. You must feel real good about yourself to say that to someone. If I didn't know better, I'd say you're the cheating op. How's that for assuming things about people?

I'm glad that I can understand that certain topics will always evoke an emotional response from people, and that's okay. Entertaining as it is, it's not okay to provoke someone who confessed to being physically abused, by calling her abuser the victim and making it seem like it was her fault, like she deserved it. It makes me sad that there are such nasty people here. I understand the emotional response from the op with the STI. I can't quite wrap my head around siding with an abuser.

The psychology behind cheating is so much more complicated than falling out of love, wanting more sex, or even being generally emotionally unhealthy. It's about the rush of endorphins that comes with breaking the rules, lacking empathy, having impulse control issues, and the general inability to control self-destructive urges. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but hopefully you get the gist. The op who called it narcissistic behavior wasn't wrong-- people like this do generally have some narcissistic tendencies. Should they be stoned to death? No, of course not. But I typically tend to advise my patients to avoid relationships with these people until they've worked on themselves in therapy and can understand, and care, that they hurt people with their actions.

My h also had an emotional affair with one of my closest friends. I found out just weeks after we got married.. I trusted both implicitly, but suddenly something felt off, and I started digging. He'd been feeling emotionally disconnected from me, but instead of talking about it with ME, he talked about it with HER. And she ran with it. Holy shit, some of the things I found, including a letter she'd sent to him "at his hotel while on a business trip* OMG, she played on his emotions so hard. And the phone bills. Thousands of texts in the months before we got married. (She lives in another state.) If he'd slept with her I would have divorced immediately, and let him know I would if I ever found out they were in contact again. If you want your cake, eat it somewhere else, not at my house!

I'm finally moving out of the apartment I shared with ex. I texted him asking if he still wanted a piece of furniture left and his reply,"No" made me emotional since it was the first time we spoke since break up. I can't wait to move out and start healing.

My husband had an emotional affair with one of my friends. I almost divorced him over it. I gave him all the sex he wanted, too--at least 2x a week, plus. The reason he fell for her was because she flirted with him and paid him more attention. I just kind of took all that for granted because we were married. We had counseling and talked about it a lot, but it still hurt me so much. I don't think I would have forgiven him if he'd slept with her. If you don't want to be with me, leave me--don't keep having sex with me and living in my house and eating my food and sleep with some other chick on the side. I heartily agree with Stormyweather on this one--if you feel the need to cheat, on someone, you need to leave. It's not just something that people do just because their needs aren't being met. There is another person involved in this that has feelings that are being disregarded.