I wish there were a nice way to tell someone to stop eating so much because it is affecting his health/weight and I am concerned. We grilled 5 pork chops last night with pasta salad & veggies. I had the small one, we split one between the kids and DH took the largest one, leaving two. We all ate then he takes another chop & sides. Ok. He eats it, then takes the last chop & veggies. I clean the kitchen & put away the pasta salad. An hour later we have pie/ice cream (for father's day) and before bed I notice the pasta salad bowl in the sink. I also noticed when he went to the store yesterday for a mower part-he went out for fast food (saw the stuff in the garage trash). No big deal, but he omitted this info from me and still ate lunch at home. He has to be eating 5k calories a day. He eats like this all the time. =(

About to make a trip across the country to spend two weeks with our families we have not seen in almost two years. Truthfully, I wish something would happen so we didn't have to make the trip. I love my family but it is an amazing feeling being so far away from everyone. Both of our families just drag us down and I feel like 100 pound weights are sitting on my shoulders when we around mine or DH's family. He really misses everyone and wants to see them because he has grandparents that are not in good health. It is going to be non stop questions about everything under the sun, my grandmother making comments about everything wrong with my looks and weight, DH mom literally crying about everything and trying to make us feel guilty about anything she can think about. An occasional talk on the phone is enough for me. I hate saving for two years and our trip is going to be emotionally exhausting. I told DH next time we make a trip it is going to be somewhere fun for just me, him and DS. No one ever comes to visit us, we always have to visit them. I would rather light our money on fire than spend it going to visit our families. If I didn't love DH so much I sure wouldn't be making this trip.

Billy Blanks is kicking my ass. But I used his videos to get in shape for my wedding so I figured hey why not try it again right? Wow I'm definitely not 20 anymore lol. But this is the only thing taking the weight off after Prednisone totally fucked my life up for seven months. So if ass kicking that I need it's ass kicking I'm going to get. I am amazed at seeing results after only 2 weeks. I just don't remember feeling this sweaty afterward.

A while back I had to unfriend xH and his parents from my FB. They were basically there to see pics & know whats going on in me & xH's childs life, and to get "dirt" on me so xH can try to use any reason to get custody. They were talking crap about me behind my back, xH mostly told lies. xMIL pitched a fit to xH because of it, saying it was all my fault she doesn't get to see/talk to her grandchild and my fault her grandchild won't know her. I didn't know FB was the end all/be all for being in someones life. She knows my address to send things, my phone number and email address haven't changed in 6 years...even if she some how lost it all, xH has ALL of that information. I, alone, have been the one doing all of the work to keep him and his family in the loop about our child. I have a lot going on because I have to do everything on my own...the LEAST they could do, is put some effort into it. All they have to do is send an email and ask. I'm not going to keep begging people to be in my childs life. If they want to be in it, then they need to stop making excuses and do something about it. Thats why I left xH....I got tired off doing ALL the work to keep things going, but I couldn't do it anymore. The weight of it all shouldn't be on my shoulders, it's way too much stress for me.

I could have written the "man I will never say this to" confession. I am trying so hard in my marriage and my DH makes me feel like a throw-away. He spends hours online surfing porn, surfing sex video sites. I work so hard in and out of the home, I'm great in the bedroom, he says he loves me and is happy and turned on by me so I don't get it. I come home from a day's work, I work more than him, the house is a mess, he does nothing. He puts on weight, I'm in shape. I want counseling, even a book, anything. I want him to get a grip on his porn addiction; stop spending out of control, or help around the house. ANYTHING. Take care of his health. All he does is yell at me, talk circles around me, blame me for everything and complain. Naturally my hurt heart turned to someone at work. There's nothing pysical, but the man at work is there everyday, and he seems to really, really like me. We spent over 90 minutes chatting on Facebook the other night... I def have feelings for him. I wish my DH would wake up and make an effort. I wish he cared. I wish he wanted to make our marriage worth something. I want to feel special again. I want to feel loved. DH just stays with me I think cause I'm convenient. I'm sad. I'll never be able to have the man at work... at best he might crush on me, but I'm much older and I can't bear children. But I wish so bad I could feel loved again like I know I deserve. It's not so easy to walk away. I doubt I'd find anyone else anyway. I want my DH to open his eyes; I don't want to try to find another man.

:( I went three weeks without having fast food. I lost weight, too! Then I broke and got me a kid's meal. Well, better than a full blown 1,000+ calorie meal.

I solemnly swear I will not turn into a self centered twat when I lose the weight. I just REALLY want to get back down to a healthy weight!

There is this blog called Mama Laughlin I used to like to read. She lost weight and went from relatable to trying to be an internet sensation. Taking slefies constantly, pretty obviously using a skinny app when she is already thin to look better, etc. Then I found this website called Get Off my Internet where people trash blogs. (Hundreds of blogs-even Apartment Therapy) There is over 900 pages of people bashing her and critiquing every single inch of every photo she posts, etc. I read some and there were valid points, but after a while it was just mean, mean, mean girl stuff. And of course if you say wow you people are cruel, get a life, etc. you might as well be a lamb tossing yourself to hungry wolves. Just horrible. I know of two other blogs who shut down because of the site.

There is a big part of me that is losing weight in order to attract the ideal mate. The type of man I feel that I am attracted to, physically, probably isn't going to be as attracted to me by first glance. People tend to act as if wanting to lose weight to attract partners is a bad thing. I don't know. If I don't like what I see in the mirror, how can I like someone who has the same body type as me? How will someone else care about me?

I know 2 wrongs don't make a right. I know the gov't shouldn't get involved. I know I'm not right for thinking this way. But I think some people should be forcibly sterile. Like this man on the news this morning - he fed his little baby meth, then got mad when he cried and put a gun in his mouth! WTF! Then this couple adopted some girls, and abused them. Made them live outside in the back yard, wearing only diapers! They are like 8 years old, at least 50lbs underweight, starved them, etc. I have so much hate for people like this. WHY?! I'd like to see them stoned to death, sure. I know that's terrible but I can't help but want for that.