It was great seeing my friend for a few minutes. I think she asked how I was doing, but I really don't remember. Just remember her mentioning how she's dating someone now. I tried to be happy, but really just felt sad and envious of her since I'm single. Ugh, it's so effin' hard being single during a pandemic. Then felt bad of feeling this way.

9 months of this thing, and my H still thinks I'm stupid for trying to keep the kids from getting it. "It's not that bad for kids. They're basically immune. You're ruining their lives." Ok, first, they could still pass it to lots of other people. Second, we don't know the extent of lifelong repercussions from getting it. Third, they could be some of the kids who have actually died! I'm not willing to risk that for a couple of social outings and being stuck in a building with overworked teachers all day. Plus, if H and I get it and end up in the hospital- no ins. $$$ out of pocket, nobody to help with the kids, if we die nobody to take care of the kids. This is the same man telling me that he won't have his parents or mine(he hates them anyway) over bc they don't mask. I think he just wants it to exist for him when it's convenient. Pandemics and elections seem to bring out the dark side in people.

DH took our 130lb mastiff to the ortho specialist yesterday. It's bad, really bad. He's only 3yrs old and he has severe arthritis in all his joints. He has wobbler's disease. He has a cartilage disease. He has bone fragments in his joints. All of these issues are genetic, and should have been tested for before he was ever even conceived. I'm so angry. I don't have anyone in particular to be angry at, because I don't know who the breeder was. We wound up with him through SIL who got him from a girl with a box of puppies outside a gas station in the dead of winter. But now we have a choice to make, not that it's really a choice. We're not going to put him through 6-8 surgeries so he can live an extra year and spend the last two years of his life recovering from surgeries. We're going to keep him comfortable with meds as long as he's got good quality of life, then we'll have to put him down. I'm so sad and angry. He's such a sweet boy.

I wish I weren't so bad at interacting with people. I really just do not care much about forming friendships or anything....I don't think I ever did, really. I was always a bookish, nerdy kid who preferred books to people. I just hate that so many extroverts in my life like to make me feel shitty about this.

My doctor just called me with my test results. My LDL is up to 38, which is still too low, but just barely. My HDL is up to 76, which is as high as it has ever been for me. Yay! My ratio is still 1.6, which she called 'just barely adequate'. She said closer to 2.0 would be better. The bad news is my iron and ferritin are lower than ever, *just* barely hitting the minimum. The doctor said if we could get them higher, I would would have more energy. I full on started laughing. I get antsy if I walk/run less than 5 miles a day, and on weekend days I often do 20+ miles. I'm not sure I could handle having more energy!

So, we bought my daughter a car today. She's turning 16. It's a new small, economical SUV. I broke down in tears on my way home. I grew up with a single dad. He was wonderful and hard working, but we were poor. Like put cardboard in your only pair of shoes to fill the holes poor. My first car was free b/c it was so bad they literally gave it away. Leaked everything, rust everywhere. I cried because I can't believe how far I've come. I would have never dreamed I'd be in a position to be able to do this. I feel like I made it. I really, really made it. After decades of poverty and working my ass off, I'm in a position to buy my daughter a new car. In cash. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be able to write a check that big. And she is such an amazing, terrific kid. She deserves this. I'm just so glad I can give it to her. I have a nice house and other things, but this just hit me differently.

I'm really starting to want to cut ties with my SIL. Even DH (her brother) thinks she's gotten weird since she married her racist asshole husband. They just had a kid and she decided that it was "necessary" to "teach" her newborn about Colombus Day and how great he was, etc. She's a religious nutjob who is a Trumper and I don't like being around her at all anymore. She wasn't so bad before she got married.

It really pisses me off when my clients don't pay their employees overtime. This one in particular. I've been telling her for so long that she's paying her tipped employees less than the minimum wage, and not bothering to pay ANYONE overtime. It just pisses me off. She won't listen. And now, one of her employees is stealing from her. That she knows of. I expect there's more, just by looking at the books. Hmmm, I wonder why her employees aren't loyal to her? And of course, she's crying to me about it. Well, honey, you've been stealing from your employees (not paying overtime, not paying minimum wage) since they started working for you, so.... yeah. Not feeling bad for you. At all. Trying to figure out how much she stole from them, and how much they stole from her... it's gonna be a math nightmare. And I'm gonna bill her for every single second that I work on it. Because this shitstorm IS going to court.

It's only been a day, but I'm feeling really anxious waiting for my results. Been feeling super fatigued and a little nasal congestion. I worked with a ton of kids the past few weeks and at one point they were unmasked then we had to move indoors (with masks) since the air quality got so bad. Getting the test was uncomfortable and hope I don't have to do it again.

I got a Covid test yesterday and was parked behind a SUV with kids. I felt bad for the kids that were kicking and screaming not wanting to get tested. I saw the parent have to physically hold their child down with two other nurses doing the same. She was extremely curt with my testing, but I don't really blame her having to do this all day long while putting herself at risk. I'm grateful for our healthcare workers.