I usually don't go all out on Christmas but this year, I did. I got DB the gift of his dreams this year, and spent several hundred dollars doing so. I want to see the look on his face because he has no idea. I usually also don't do things for people expecting something in return. However, with the amount of time, effort, and money I spent on his gift (even after he regularly buys himself expensive things), I expect an amazingly thoughtful gift. Well, after his ideas about what to get me for Christmas today, I think I will be disappointed. I told him honestly several times what I wanted over the last few months when he asked, but I got tired of repeating myself a million times, I just started saying "Whatever". I'm not going to make a big deal of it outwardly, but if my gift sucks, a) I'm never buying him anything, ever again and b) I'm going to start regularly spending more money on myself, shamelessly, just like he does. I get the feeling that I'm in for a major letdown.

I just abruptly woke up out of a terrible nightmare, crying my eyes out. Couldn't stop crying for a good while. I hate dreaming. Its always bad, and I always wake up feeling either terrified or like I just had to kill the person closest to me. Dreams are usually the reason I try to stay up as long as possible. Wish I could skip that part of sleeping.

I had a dream last night that John Taylor of Duran Duran and I got married. Tim Allen was somewhere in there too, although I dont quite remember details..dreams are so weird!

The only thing that helps me sleep through the night is a half of a Flexeril. I dont take it every night though. I have had vivid dreams every.single.night for at least 2 yrs. Sometimes even if i get 8 hrs of sleep i wake up tired. It sucks.

My last few dreams have involved someone (no one I know in real life) coming up to me and criticizing my weight, telling me I look fat, etc. WTF?

Sometimes I think the reason I lost my virginity at 14 and slept around with anyone that showed me the slightest bit of attention is because my babysitter used to watch porn in front of me.. I was like 5 years old and I didn't understand what was going on obviously, but I used to get sex dreams of whatever I had watched. I didn't know it was sexual, I just used to know that I would feel funny/good after I watched the porn and had those dreams. I think it made me sexual way before I was ready. I feel really disgusted when I think about it now, that I used to have dreams about giving blowjobs when I was a young kid and I didn't realize what I was dreaming about.

I had a sex dream last night about DH's BF. This is the second one I've had about him in two weeks. In each one, he went down on me. The first one was in the parking lot of the local bar. He just kind of tossed me up onto the hood of a car, hiked up my dress, pulled my panties off and went to town. The one last night was in my house, with DH asleep upstairs. I came down for a glass of water and he was in the hallway. (He visits us a lot- sleeps on our couch) I didn't have a bra on and he just started groping and kissing me, then he got down on his knees, pulled off my pajama pants, threw one of my legs over his shoulder and went to town; with his mouth and his fingers. OMG, wow. Hot hot hot. And he's coming to visit again. He'll be here Friday night. I don't know if I'll even be able to look at him. I've never even though about him that way, now my subconscious has decided we need to have sex. LOL! The dreams were both so hot.

They used to teach job skills in high school. Typing, auto mechanics, shorthand, cosmetology. A program called DCT allowed students to get their core classes in the mornings and work for a company in the afternoon till 5 p.m., for pay. You got a high school diploma and were prepared enough for college should you choose to go. I was able to support myself at 18, went to college, paid for almost half of my DH's college education too. No help from either of our parents. No student loans. (We couldn't get one because our parents refused to take on the obligation and the law didn't allow us to make legal contracts till we were 21.) You think you had it tough? I don't think so. By the way, we both succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. It never occurred to us to whine how life was so unfair. We just went out there and did what we had to do, whatever it took.

I really thought he was "the one". I can't believe he walked out on us, on our dreams. It's been almost a year and I'm still crying and holding out hope, like a fool, that he'll come back. I have days where I feel strong and think I'm moving on, then out of nowhere, I breakdown and think of all of the plans we made for our future together and grieve for what could have been. I put on a smile and act like I don't care around my friends and wonder if I fool them, I'm too embarrassed to let them know I'm still hurting. I wonder what it's going to take for me to truly accept it's over. I know he's been seeing someone else, he was before he walked out on us - you'd think that would be enough for me to let go. I just want the hurt to end.

I dreamed about the once upon a time show last night. Which is weird because I've seen all of two episodes, probably last year. Lol. Dreams are so weird!!