I think I'm gonna start lifting. I'm gonna get lean(er). Now to figure out how to do it correctly and stop feeling uncomfortable in the free weight section.

My mom used to emotionally blackmail me when I was a kid. She would do whatever she could to make me feel guilty. I barely have a relationship with her because I finally realized how toxic she is. I always thought that I was the one with the problem and it was a huge weight off my shoulders to learn that SHE was the one with the issues.

After doing a lot of experimenting and reading a lot of material on the subject, I still stick with my claim that it's much, much easier to lose weight when you eat a diet of non-processed foods. It IS all about calories, but your body works so very much harder to digest fiber and protein than it does white mushy Doritos and Oreos. You lose quite a bit of the calories contained in the healthy foods when you digest them--with processed foods, not so much.

I have been on a diet for a while. I have more time to go (10-12 months?) It's fine. But my city has suddenly decided that it wants to have a food renaissance with all the amazing new places, gourmet food trucks, festivals and whatnot. Food, food, food. Everywhere I look. lol I just try to make a mental note of things that seem interesting for when I've reached my goal. In order to keep the weight off, I have to plan on how to maintain it. Finding a balance. My hope is that I can eat my healthy diet, continue exercising, etc. and then once a week, hit the amazing places/events based on any cravings I may have. I can't do healthy living 24/7. Kudos to those that do. I'm not built that way. I am OK with dirtying my "temple" every once in a while. I just have to stop doing it on a daily basis! :)

Oh, and also (Continued), I have baby fever. But I also want to get my tubes tied. Bc DH doesn't want anymore children. He's afraid I'll get fat and won't be able to lose the weight. I know it sounds awful, but I seriously think its something he can't even help. It's like a mental thing. Maybe I should have him hypnotized to help him get past it.

hm.. How to explain without writing a novel! DH hates fat. I am gaining weight bc of my meds. I try not to, I really do. I have started the "drink energy drinks, eat once a day" 'diet' to lose weight. I'm also doing an hour of Zumba a day. I'm not overweight, according to my doc, I weigh about 140-145, I'm 5'8". But I feel huge. DH is not talking to me, bc of me not agreeing with some of the rules of teeball and making a fuss about it. He's not letting me in the bed, so I'm sleeping with DS. Our marriage isn't always this awful. I feel like it's my fault. I don't know how to explain everything that's been going on. I just need a friend. I don't' have any. I'm young, married, and have a kid. All my ex-friends are just now graduating college and considering finding partners. Nobody wants to be friends with the mom that has to go home early instead of spending the night partying, and I don't blame them! But I need someone to talk to sometimes, too.

I want to get on board with "just eat clean, don't count calories" and "eat as much as you want of whole foods, don't count calories," but I can't. I just can't! I follow a (mostly) clean, plant-based diet, but still I think that if weight loss is your goal, you have to not overeat.

Oh, I just love having lost the weight and showing up at conventions where there are old colleagues who only know me as that chubby girl. Now I'm thinner than all of them, and frankly, am dressed better. I'm as nice to them as I can be, though they have no idea how to handle me now. The fat girl inside of me is squealing in delight.

My "kid" is a multi-million dollar facility and the people who work inside of it. People ask me if I want kids, and I say "no". I've also been fat all my life, and finally have lost the weight. Unless the husband is willing to stay home and okay with adopting, I'm not throwing away everything I've worked so hard for. But, oh, hey, he doesn't want kids either. Kids are not for everyone, and it doesn't mean that I don't like them. I'll stay a professional aunt, thank you. That doesn't make me "broken", it just means my priorities are different.

I don't care if it doesn't offend you and you are fat. I still hate the show "how i met your mother." The fat shaming and bulling it promotes disgusts me. You don't notice or pay attention to it? Good for you. Why does it bother me so much? Because I have to deal with that shit in real life. That it is funny and okay for a group of people, let's say at a bar in Las Vegas, to put me down because of my weight. Is it funny to be racist? Is it funny to exclude gays and lesbians? Would you watch a show that makes fun of the disabled as long as it was 'funny.' Whatever your justification is to like and watch the show is invalid to me. Exclusion for any reason gets no support from me.