I'm losing all faith in people. It seems like so many people I know are just out for themselves, selfish assholes who don't care about anyone else. I know this is why I prefer to be alone most of the time. Because so many people in my life have been total assholes to me behind my back, that's why. I prefer my pets and books. They don't talk to me or gossip and they comfort me without judging me or making me feel stupid or inferior.

Overspending H has gotten us into a bad position. His credit cards are still sky high because he won't stop charging (he tries to say it's because of interest charges), and he has NO savings. Now he's hurt his back and isn't able to work for a couple weeks. DS and I took money out of OUR personal checking accounts as well as our joint savings (which is for college costs!) to cover the bills H can't pay this month. (I work and pay several bills as well as all groceries, toiletries, household goods and whatever the pets need. DS pays for his phone bill, gas, clothes, textbooks and other food.) I'm so angry.

I have NO desire to do side work. People ask me all the time to do side work. Usually QuickBooks consultations/training. I hate doing it. I agreed to a side job over the weekend, and I already regret it and I haven't even started yet. It's decent money ($35/hr) but on the whole it's not worth it. If I only worked PT and needed the money, I'd do more side work. Other than that, I'll 'side' work in my garden. :D

Poem written in 1869 during the Cholera pandemic by Kathleen O’Mara, and reprinted in the 1919 pandemic.  And people stayed at home And read books And listened And they rested And did exercises And made art and played And learned new ways of being And stopped and listened More deeply Someone meditated, someone prayed Someone met their shadows And people began to think differently And people healed. And in the absence of people who Lived in ignorant ways Dangerous, meaningless and heartless, The earth also began to heal And when the danger ended and People found themselves They grieved for the dead And made new choices And dreamed of new visions And created new ways of living And completely healed the earth Just as they were healed.

Does anybody have any suggestions for blogs or youtube channels or even actual books (lol) about learning to read Tarot? I've always been interested and I recently bought a deck of cards. I've watched a few videos and read part of the instruction manual. The manual is a book the size of a tarot card though and the print is so tiny I need a magnifying glass to read it. I'd much rather watch videos or read blogposts.

Just wanted to say to both of you who think you may have a personality disorder, it never means you can't be loved, even if it's avoidant. I have avoidant and borderpolar, and I've been v. happily married for 10 years. You just need an understanding partner and a willingness to work on yourself. TBH, most people are not healthy, because most of our parents, well intentioned or not, had no clue what they were doing. I think if everybody in the world was assessed for mental illness, none of us would be totally healthy. You can do a lot to help yourself with books and support groups even if you can't afford therapy, but get therapy if you can, and research the best type for your illness first. If you need medication take medication and don't let people shame you for that, it's YOUR life. At the same time, medication is not the be all end all and don't expect magic, use it to help yourself. You are NOT fucked for life so please don't think you are, and you deserve love. We all do.

I read on Nextdoor about a neighbor filling up Little Free Libraries with food during Covid. Then a few other folks were able to stock it whenever possible from what I read. I don't know if it was still continuing lately. But I remembered about donating yesterday. It was empty. I ran to the store and got cucumbers, shallots, plantains, rice, pasta, ramen, tomato paste, bread crumbs, beans, and bottled water. Within a day food was utilized. I refilled LFL this morning with h2o, granola bars, steel cut oats, canned foods (one w/ pop top), microwave popcorn, and hot chocolate. I saw a homeless man sitting nearby and hope he can use some of the ready to go stuff. The empty book shelf look sad, too. I'm thinking about asking book publishers to donate books for youth during this time. Kids are doing a lot of online learning, but I hope they don't forget the joy of holding and reading books. How does that sound? I would love to hear any honest opnions. Thank you <3 <3 <3

I feel so bad for this year's high school seniors. For our high school, next weekend was supposed to be their prom, which they won't have. They also won't have a graduation. For many of these kids, they may never see each other again. No goodbyes, nothing. I graduated 30 years ago, but my senior year of high school was one of the best of my life. I remember prom and graduation, signing yearbooks, all of it. This has all been taken from them. I can't even imagine.

I'm not even allowed to TOUCH my granddaughter right now. Yesterday I went over there to drop off a big ham for the kids and some of her favorite books we read together when she comes over. I had to leave it on the porch and talk to her through a window. My DIL works in a care home, my son is home with DGD, and he's not taking any chances. He's worried, and I don't blame him. She goes outside to play in the yard, and that's it. I miss them so much it physically hurts. *cry*

People are stupid. A disproportionate number of my clients are morons. And liars. And cheats. And just... dumber than fucking rocks. Grr. You know.. when you tell me that your bank accounts are reconciled in QuickBooks and they're not... you know I can tell, right? I can tell in an instant just by LOOKING at your accounts that they're not reconciled. I can tell immediately that you're lying to me. And it makes me immediately not want to help you. I will NOT lie for you, and if you want me to do your work, I WILL do it right or I won't do it. So, you moron, looks like you're going to have to send me your bank statements and pay me a shit-ton of money to do something really fucking simple because you're a twit. Or- go somewhere else and find somebody who's on your level of stupidity and willing to put their name on your shitty disaster of a QB file.