Just when we thought Cheeto Jesus couldn't possibly get any more disgusting, we hear about his 2005 contribution to rape culture. And his disciples are STILL fucking defending him by saying, "Well, Hillary stayed with a cheating husband!" As if the those two things are even remotely related.

My mother complains that my uncle posts too much political shift on Facebook and as a result, she doesn't want to spend time with him. I recently added her to my Facebook and Jesus Christ, she posts so much uninformed hateful political shit. But I guess it's ok because she also posts memes about being kind to people and being a loving mother. Which are news to me.

What thoughts do you need?? Dude is a douche bag. Don't spend time with douche bags. Jesus.

Just watched the Amanda Knox documentary. Jesus, that poor woman. And, naturally, people STILL believe she did it even though DNA evidence says otherwise because, apparently, she didn't behave to their standards after her roommate was murdered. Science exonerated her, but people think that since they believe she's guilty, then she must be. Idiots.

I live in Indiana. They definitely still include race when describing suspects on the news. That probably doesn't surprise anyone though, seeing as how Cheeto Jesus's buddy, Mike Pence, is the governor.

If I rolled my eyes any harder, I swear to baby Jesus I would have seen the back of my skull.

My dh is a good man. He doesn't yell at me or hit me. He's extremely kind and loving, but there's just one little thing that drives me nuts about him. So help me, Jesus, he talks to himself while he eats and it's the most annoying thing I've ever experienced. Like, I want to poke him in the eye with a spork annoying.

My dh is always so over the top with food. He'll bring me cereal, but it's a combo of 2-3 different cereals, with grapes and bananas. He'll be in the kitchen and ask if I want ice cream. I say, "Yes, please - chocolate peanut butter." He brings a bowl with a scoop of that, a scoop of whatever else is in there, topped with chocolate sauce. (He also puts cereal in his.) Tonight was "Casual Night" for dinner, meaning everyone just eats/makes what they want. A commercial came on for a breakfast restaurant and I said ,"Oooh, I want pancakes!" Dh said he'd make me some. But not just regular pancakes, oh no. Chocolate chip pancakes with chocolate sauce, caramel sauce and whipped cream. Jesus Christ. And five days ago he declared that he was going on a diet. Hasn't happened yet.

Oh, my baby Jesus. I'm this close to slapping my dh with my laptop. We're both writers. He has an English degree, I have a piddly associates degree. He'll ask me for my opinion on something to do with his writing, and I'll answer him, but he'll argue my points. Then he'll say, "Well, I have an English degree. I know what I'm doing." Motherfucker, I may not have a bachelor's degree, but I've published two fucking books! He's published ZERO. Go ahead, keep writing a book that's grammatically pristine but boring as hell. Your degree can't help you with creativity and entertainment value. Ugh. Sorry. I feel better now.

I get it; you love your kid. I love mine too. But Jumpin' Jesus on a Cracker, dial it back with the pictures already. She's posted 12 so far, and it's not even noon! I don't need to see Billy pouring his cereal, Billy wearing his favorite shirt, or Billy literally doing nothing (no joke, she really posted this). And it's not like Billy is a new baby, and she'll get over it. He's 11. She really needs a hobby.