Also, you have to realize there is a distinct cycle of abuse, whether it be emotional or verbal or physical. Many husbands act like total jerks and then apologize and feel bad for how they acted, so it's easy to think that they are actually sorry and won't do something like that again. But then they do. I was raised in a family that really respected the institution of marriage and that you don't just dump someone you committed to; you try to fix the problems. But sometimes the problems just can't be fixed and sometimes it takes a while to get to a place where you realize that.

So DH and I have been in a funk lately, emotionally and physically. But we both love each other to death and have been working on it, and recently things have been pretty good. Yesterday was a really great day. We went on a hike together, made dinner together, just a laid-back, enjoying each other kind of day. Then last night we had amazing, mind-blowing sex. Like the kind you spend the whole next day thinking about. That hasn't happened in a looooooooong time. Heck, sex at all hasn't happened in a long time. I'm glad we're getting our mojo back, and not just in the bedroom. I really do love him to pieces.

What if it's me and not him after all? What if I'm not realizing how good I have it with him because I'm screwed up from my divorce. Maybe I've convinced myself that I'll never love another man the way I loved dexh, so I'm sabotaging every other relationship before they get off the ground. I have a fear that I'm walking away from a really good man who loves me dearly because I'm fucked up and I just can't see it. What if I say goodbye, then realize I've made a mistake and want to go back and he's found another woman? I have a feeling I'm going to regret this. We've tried for 5 years. That seems plenty long enough for clarity, doesn't it? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't this just simply be black and white? I'm an emotional wreck.

Ha! I remember when I left my first husband at age 28 (because he was controlling, emotionally unsupportive and verbally abusive) and he told me that I was going to "find [myself] at 32 years old, sitting in a bar alone, unable to find anyone." Not sure why he chose that age, and I didn't even go to bars. At 32 I was in a long term relationship and had just had a baby. I made sure he knew that :) He got remarried 10 years later and she left him too.

When I was in my late twenties, I freaked out a little, too. I found a really good article and aging, written by a woman in her seventies, and she said the key to aging well is taking care of yourself when you're younger. Exercise. Eat well. Get enough sleep. Wear sunscreen. Get right with yourself emotionally. I'm about to turn 37 and I'm in better shape now than I was when I was 22. There's also the wonderful element of not giving a fuck about what people think of you that tends to come with getting older. I love myself more now than I ever did when I was younger. I also have waaay better sex now, too, lol. It's not all bad.

That sounds sad, OK. There are plenty of men out there that can offer good sex AND emotional support. Or if you prefer being alone, just get a fuck buddy then. Staying married to someone just for sex is so lame imo. And him thinking his only job is to bring home a paycheck? Hello, 1956 called...

I'm married with no kids. I was definitely happier single. When DH and I were dating, he did a great job of doing things with me, being there for me emotionally, etc. When we got married, he sort of started ignoring all my emotional needs and starting to think that his only real obligation to the relationship was to earn money. I think a lot of men fall into this line of thinking and us as women resent it and don't let them know enough how much it bothers us. It's to the point now where DH and I don't really mind when the other one of us is gone for a while; we enjoy the time alone and basically only like being together for the sex.

Marriage is tons harder for women then men. That's why studies show men are happier married while women are not. Women tend to do the bulk of the emotional work and a much larger percentage of the housework (even if they work full-time outside the home). Women also do the lion's share of childcare, even if the kids are step-children. Marriage basically is like signing on for a second or third full-time job. No thanks. Been there, read the research, been there again, fuck it.

There is an article going around called '2.5 things I want in a partner'. It basically says the writer just wants someone emotionally stable, and smart (as in critical thinking), and hopefully also is their friend and makes them laugh. Several of my friends are commenting on it, and saying how perfect it is, and that everything else isn't important. Does this seem insane to anyone else? I feel like those things are so basic they aren't even worth mentioning. All of my friends hit those basic qualifications, they wouldn't be friends otherwise. What I want in a partner is a heck of a lot more than that! I want love, sexual compatibility, financial compatibility, similar nurturing instincts, similar goals in life... And that is just off the top of my head!

I'm just here to let it out. I'm "friends" with someone with severe emotional disturbances. She is angry at the world and makes a turbulent life for her kids because she withdraws them from every activity after she's found something new to be angry about. I'm only friends with her because my daughter and her daughter are best friends. She is really sweet and kind toward her own kids and my kids. But the rest of her is just complaints, whining, blaming, anger and ugh.