Rest in Rock n Roll Lemmy. #MotorheadForever

I take "before & after" pictures.. Well, really progress pictures since my goals always evolve. I don't post them anywhere, since they're in my underwear, but I still take them. They're good for comparing my BODY to different periods of my life. And helpful when I've lifted forever and don't feel thinner.

I'm still in love with a guy from my past. He is gorgeous and kind and amazing. I will forever kick myself for letting him get away. Circumstances and fear (not a fear of him) made me shy away from him. I'm such a dumbass.

You know how there are friends you have to be polite with, and make sure you're not taking advantage of them and vice versa? And there is the kind of friend where it's ok if you take advantage of them, because you know there will be some time when they need to lean back on you and be the taker for awhile? And there's no scorekeeping because you both know it'll be a lifelong friendship? Well he's gone and I'll miss him forever. Now I'm stuck with acquaintances I have to be polite with.

My grandpa was a sergeant in WWII. He was always so proud of his service but it changed him forever. He used to talk about putting his "boys" in body bags after the Battle of the Bulge. When he was suffering from dementia, he cried about his friends who had died in battle. America has done a shit ton to keep other countries free from assholes like Hitler. It's ok to be proud of that.

28 years ago today my brother took his own life. I spoke to my elderly father on the phone last night and he is clearly still hurting, all these years later. He told me the whole story (again) of my brother's last day and their last conversation which was an argument. I know he blames himself. Of course it was at Christmas time so none of us have had a good holiday since. To anyone who is thinking of committing suicide, please reach out and ask for help. People DO care, and others WILL be affected by it, forever. Life is fucking hard, but please know you are loved even if you don't believe you are.

I don't know how I'm going to get thru the next week. It feels like forever already. I just want it to be next Saturday. It's going to be a very trying time. Actually I want it to be Christmas Eve. That's when I can breathe a sigh of relief and the worst is behind me. Until then, I honestly don't know if I have the strength to do all this.

It's okay to get new stuff if you want it and can afford it. It's okay to replace clothes that you've had forever with new stuff. It's okay to get new towels for your bathroom because the old ones don't match the new color scheme. It's okay to get new socks even if the old ones don't have holes in them yet. Really. I've had to drill this into my own head. And I donate everything that I'm replacing unless it's truly ready for the trash can. Honey, get the warmer running clothes and donate the stuff you hate. It's okay. :)

Yes retail managers are douchebags to the employees, but restaurant managers are 100 times worse. I quit waitressing forever after being threatened with a punch to the face because I would not stay longer after working a 10 hour shift. A few months later I was actually assaulted by another manager. Bye bye waitressing!!!

The confession of the 60-something cashier makes me a little sad. Her FIRST job, at 60? That's why even if DH & I do well, I don't think I'd ever go down the stay-at-home route, not forever. I went to school with someone who has NEVER had a job. She just stays at home. What happens if he died and one day she has to go to work? Her first job in her 50's or 60's? First off, I think if you NEVER have to work, going to work the first time at that age will be hard. I think you'd be filled with dread to do so, and you could only get a crappy, low wage job. I wouldn't want to be in that position. Esp because she LOVES not working. I know many women who haven't worked in going on 20 years. I don't think it's a smart decision, personally, but to each their own. Esp when most of them admit living paycheck to paycheck.