DD19 is sad because her best friend is moving to China to take a job. She's going to miss her friend, and she's also starting to feel like she's not 'doing anything' with her life. Which is crazy, she's only 19. She's going to college and has a job. I'm having a hard time dealing with her being sad and nothing I can do about it. I'm heartbroken for her. Funny thing is, she'll be fine. She'll get over it and I'll still be sad because she got sad. Because she's a stronger happier more resilient person than me. At least I did that part right.

I don't eat very well,I do work out but my eating could be better but for some reason...I cannot eat a lot during the holidays. I'm usually the one cooking so by the time food is done,I'm just over it. During this time I'm surrounded by judgy ass family members so I don't want to eat a lot. Then when I have my leftovers,I tend to eat a bit at a time so I can have more the next day. I work out more during the holidays because the pool is empty,I don't feel too guilty when I do indulge and the family members who tend to look at my plate could also eat a hearty,healthy helping of "I went to the gym this morning. What the hell did YOU do,Aunt Deborah? Pick up your boyfriend from jail again?"

I think there's a huge difference between getting an illness by chance, and getting one by choice. Anyone over the age of 65 is technically at risk of heart disease, but if a person is a smoker it's pretty much guaranteed that they've permanently damaged their cardiovascular system. I would absolutely care for my dh if he got sick, but I wouldn't want to be married to someone who was knowingly killing themselves. I didn't sign up for that shit.

I have a ravenous appetite, it's out of control. I'm super short so I have to watch every calorie and eat healthy, lots of veggies, chicken breast, etc.. otherwise I'd be severely obese. But I can outeat almost everyone, even big burly men. It sucks. On the few days here and there that I let myself have free reign I probably easily inhale 5000+ calories. That's why I don't do it often. No medical conditions either. Just a hearty appetite.

As far as caregiving goes...yeah, I suppose an ultimatum like that might scare someone into quitting a risky behavior. But my dad has had to become a caregiver quite early to my mom and although she didn't live a perfectly pristinely healthy life, she got sick and couldn't take care of herself at a mere 54 years old. I can't imagine telling my DH "Oh, better stop every single bad habit you have because I'm not taking care of you if you have a heart attack or get Parkinson's or Alzheimer's or cancer". So much for in sickness and in health, I guess.

And that's just another reason I'm so mad at him! We were supposed to get healthy and grow old together. Now I'll probably have to take care of him in a few years. Just like my SD, who lied about paying us back a loan, I lost all respect for him. Last night I told him that I've never been so disappointed in anyone in my life, and have refused to talk to him about it today. I'm heartbroken on so many levels.

And posted a deep deep personal entry to what I thought was a closed support FB to my actual FB. Took it down after about 7 minutes when a very secondary friend was like "Are you OK?" I thought she belonged to the same closed group. Had to laugh/cry and learn from that lesson. Holy smokes. I had a heart attack. No idea how many people may have seen it. I had to get momentarily Zen: well, I guess that was supposed to happen.

I was recently diagnosed with PCOS which means that I'm at a higher risk for diabetes, heart disease, infertility, cancer, and obesity. The extra weight and the fact that it'll be a lot harder (though not impossible) to lose it is the only part that truly upsets me.

Gosh, this autumn weather still reminds me of him after all these years.. Wish my heart could move on like the rest of my body did : (

Maybe teach him to say things like "Wow, you are very intelligent" and "Wow, you are a good and kind-hearted person," since those are more important that being thin and pretty.