And at the same time I'm terrified that he's the best there is out there for me. What if I end up with someone WORSE? What if I end up completely alone forever. I'm so miserable.

I have the flu, really bad. I found out yesterday and h still asked to go to his bothers house for the night. I told him it was fine but if we stayed out last night he HAD to stay home tonight. I am too sick to take care of ds right now. So h doesn't get home till 10 or 11, and while he did decent... He only got stuff for ds If I asked him to, even though he was asking anyone for stuff. Then I laid down in bed for a nap, at some point ds joined me, which is fine... But when I asked h to take him, he was jumping on the bed and landed on my chest with his knees/shins. He took forever. And now he called it quits at 6:30. I can't even stand up without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I can't do this.... And he tried twice to get me to let him go out tonight... Once because his job has some shifts that need to be covered, he had already put his name down to do it before he asked, and once because coworkers wanted to go out. I broke down into tears. I am so sick and it feel like he isn't doing anything to help without me having to twist his arm first.

I sprung for heirloom yogurt cultures. Finally. You're supposed to be able to use them forever, not like store yogurt that will last about three cycles and then you have to go buy more yogurt. I got the Bulgarian kind. I hope it's good. I love yogurt.

You know, I always wanted to watch My So-Called Life, but never got the chance. I just looked it up. It's all on Hulu! I had no idea there was only 1 season. Crazy. Seemed like it was on forever. And I also had no idea that was Jared Leto! I learned a ton today!

I ordered something from Etsy and I am so excited to get it. But it's custom so it'll probably take forever......AHHHHHH!

Etsy seller who took forever to reply to me and offered me a free item has, not surprisingly, taken forever to ship, too. It's been well over a month since I paid, and almost two months since I first contacted her. She says she's shipped it overnight, and added yet another free item, and insists she's never like this. Still, I'm irritated it's taken so long, and that I'm expected to just understand that she was moving and be pacified with the free stuff. I DO understand, and I like the free stuff, but this just isn't good business.

I tried to do all the good stepM things. Did for them the same as I did for my bios when they were with us, helped with homework, babysat for Dh, planned parties, included them in everything, volunteered if Dh & bioM weren't available. Then their mom started telling them it meant they didn't love her if they liked or had fun with me and awarded them if they disrespected me and/or hurt or stole from me and my dd. I tried to be understanding and let Dh deal with it, but over time I stopped doing the nice things for them because they showed so much hate and loathing towards me and did not appreciate the time, money or energy I put towards them. Now they hate me for that. Now their mom is unable to care for them any longer and Dh will be getting custody, long story. I am supporting, helping and encouraging Dh through this. Unfortunately, once everything is official and he has physical custody next week I plan to move out with my dd11 and our dd2 . I will make sure my stepKids are unpacked & settled, shop for anything they need(clothes, essentials, bedroom items, etc), stock up on groceries, etc before I go. It was one thing to live with that stress 3 weekends a month a once a week for dinner, but I can't live that way everyday nor should my dd. I feel like a horrible person and I will be alone forever because I could never love another man. Dh is my soulmate. He won't understand why I didn't tell him my plan. I hope he forgives me and someday understands that I couldn't come between him and his kids, but I also can't live with, provide for and raise kids who treat me and my dd so horribly, also I don't want our dd2 to start getting the same treatment.

I haven't smoked a cigarette all day. I have the patch on. Last time I quit I quit for 6 weeks. I hope I can quit forever. If you're a praying person, would you pray I quit forever? Thank you!!

I foster dogs. Right now, we have 3 fosters and one personal dog. We've had one of the fosters for 1.5 years and will probably have her until she dies. The other two we've had for 6 months. We are probably going to "foster fail" with one of them....BUT...the other dog has two potential adopters and both are great! I'm so excited for my little buddy to find his forever home!

I'm not big on talking on the phone. My Grandma wants to talk almost every other day. I don't know what to say to her most days. I feel bad because she is lonely and I know she won't be here forever. Yet nothing hardly ever happens in between our calls. There is only so much weather you can talk about.