I'm liking this book, so far. It's definitely helping me unpack some childhood trauma. My mom falls into the "emotional parent" category. The author's intention isn't to pathologize a parent, but reading that emotional parents are typically mentally hill was pretty validating. We're all a product of our history and socialization. It's helping me to not see her as a larger than life monster.

I'm spending the day reading the book Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Happy Mother's Day to those of us who were born to women who didn't really want us. Cheers to breaking free from generational toxicity!

If anyone out there is still searching, please don't stop. You will find the right now, but keep trying many out before settling. I tried a few, had consutaltons with many before. Your mental and emotional well-being is worth it!

So Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce. As someone married to a person with Autism, specifically Asperger's, I get it. I totally get it. He's wildly successful and a nice guy, but is just emotionally vacant. Like he just doesn't have the ability to empathize. He will try and go through the motions, but he doesn't genuinely feel it. He will never understand that his actions or words can be insensitive. Half of all these marriages are celibate within 2 years, because physical contact is physically uncomfortable for many Aspies. My husband has a baseline understanding that married people are supposed to have sex, so he schedules it, like a chore. But again, emotions aren't something he really understands, so it's a purely physical, mechanical act. Like having sex with a robot. I see you, Melinda. You tried. You probably do love him and him you. But you don't feel loved. I understand it so well.

One of thing that has changed my life is signing up for the free app, Insight Timer, a meditation app. I am finally learning how to be healthy, whole and loving towards myself on physical, emotional, physical, spiritual levels. I join their free Live classes and courses from a diverse range of teachers. As BIPOC, it's hard to find teachers that are relatable in the wellness field. I love this community of like-minded kindred souls. It's truly lifted me up on some dark days with ongoing Depression and Anxiety. If you told me a year ago that I would be self-healing from trauma, making new friends from all around the world, and meeting amazing teachers from an app, I would not have believed you!

3/ During this time my uncle had cancer and my mom confessed to her "friend" that she was feeling depressed. Her friend patted her hand and said "You're a strong person. You'll be fine." Then she got up and went to bed. This is someone my mom had loaned money to multiple times over the course of 20 years. My dad regularly did repairs on their house for free. She was living FOR FREE in my parents' house, and she couldn't be bothered to be emotionally supportive to my mother for five minutes. After she finally moved out, my mom just stopped calling her. She even hid once when she ran into her at Home Depot! My mom was a strong woman, who never asked anyone for help, who kept her pain to herself and was always there for others. She was patient and forgiving. If someone managed to make my mom sick of them, they were really doing something wrong!

He wasn't always like this though. He lost his job--it's because of Millenials of course. He used to be very ambitious and I was attracted to that. Now, he's a bitter, grumpy, old fart who has no income and I'm realizing that all he ever really brought to the relationship was a paycheck. Now that that's gone, he's just sort of taking up space. I wish I could say I was alone in this situation, but my therapist told me it's been happening a lot now with COVID layoffs and women still expected to do all the emotional work in the relationship. I asked him for a divorce but he thought I was joking and said he'd work on things. Of course he didn't and I'm bringing it up again. I don't think he thinks I'm serious because I've threatened it before and not gone through with it.

I can’t believe how emotional I got when I received my covid vaccine. I get relief, anxiety, sad, mad: all of it. I was surprised.

I had a dog for 7 years, he was 3 when we got him. Most loving boy ever. We adopted another dog who ended up attacking him, almost biting off his tail. We took that dog back to the place we got him & told them what happened. My dog then became aggressive immediately. Within a couple weeks he bit my daughters friends hand. He just scraped the skin, but he'd gotten snippy with my daughter and my dad as well. As hard as it was, we had the responsibility to put him down before he did serious harm. I had adopted him when I was deeply depressed, he lifted me up out of that depression, he was like my emotional support dog, so it was hard to let him go.

I've noticed this too. Women are raised thinking that marriage/a man is going to rescue them from a life of otherwise...what? Being undesirable? Boredom? Loneliness? All those and more. And we are attracted to men and then realize it's a crap deal. Even when you have a good marriage and a good husband, marriage is still harder on women. We do most of the emotional work of the family and men really don't. My DH is a decent guy, treats me well, doesn't gamble or drink or smoke or have problems cheating or whatever but I probably won't get married again when he dies. I'm definitely a "Nah, I'm good" kind of a future widow.