I've been struggling with my eating disorder a lot lately. I've been working with my therapist to discover why I hold onto it still and I think I've figured it out. My DH has always wanted me to deny myself pretty much everything that normal people enjoy in life: eating out at restaurants, getting my hair done at a salon, going on vacations, having nice clothes, etc. I was raised differently; my parents always told me that money wouldn't go with you and you have to live a little too. I think my eating disorder is my way of coping with the depression and boredom of being married to someone who never wants to do anything, buy anything, or go anywhere. It's most definitely a coping mechanism but I need to figure out something different or I'll disappear into thin air.

DH and I went to breakfast at a restaurant this morning. I noticed the people at another table half of a breakfast there only to be thrown out. I don't get it. Why waste the money?

A friend went on a rant on FB about gas costing her $60 more a month with the rising prices. She complained that now she can't feed her son because she has to reduce her grocery budget. She buys all organic and name brand. She spends $500 a month getting her hair cut, dyed, extensions, blow outs..etc. She tans, she gets her whole body waxed every couple of weeks, mani/pedis, eats out at fancy restaurants at least once a day, buys tons of expensive alcohol regularly, takes a week vacations every other month staying in expensive hotels and resorts....but the extra gas cost has to come from her sons mouth? I hate the rising prices too, but my child is my priority.

I'm confused as to whether or not I'm in the wrong. I don't spend money excessively in my opinion. DH claims I need to be more thrifty than I already am because he's not earning much money now. We have very low expenses and I have a good job and feel like he wants us to basically not spend any money at all. I mean, come on, LIFE costs money. We have to pay for food, we have to pay for bills, we have to pay for internet, we have to pay for gas, etc. I know he's stressed about his job situation but we aren't even dipping into our emergency funds or anything. I think he's overly worried about it because he grew up really poor but I don't think I'm being selfish if I buy myself small treats here and there and spend more on groceries so we don't have to eat out at restaurants and such.

I don't like cooking, but I dislike restaurant food even more. For me, restaurants over salt and over oil food, and underdeliver on the vegetables. I only eat out when a friend is celebrating something. Because that hasn't happened with Covid, in the last 10 months I've had 2 meals that weren't home cooked (DH got me takeout for my birthday, and one night we ordered Indian food because we were exhausted). Our grocery bill is insanely high. We eat plant based, and organic when we can, and the price per calorie is shocking. I'm not complaining, I'm glad I make enough money to be able to have these choices, but I was definitely paying less at restaurants when a meal was half noodles or potatoes.

I realized that I almost never get delivery, take out, or any other restaurant food. I pretty much usually cook at home. People ask me why my food bill is so low...that's probably why. I buy mostly whole foods and just cook a lot from scratch. No WAY would I pay all that money for some food I could make at home for a fraction of the price. Actually, whenever I do go out to eat I am always a bit shocked at prices, even though I realize I'm paying for services to cook it, serve it, etc. I guess....I don't mind cooking much so I do it. Maybe I'm a weirdo.

Those food delivery apps are crazy. First, they raise the prices on the menu (If a restaurant charges $9, ordering through the delivery app they raise it to $11.50). They charge a delivery fee, plus another surcharges, and then tip. I went to order food for myself from a place that takes maybe 10 minutes to drive. My food order was $19, after all the fees and $6 tip, it was $40. I ended up ordering with the restaurant and picking it up for $16. That's insane. I can afford it, but I can't justify spending more than twice as much for the delivery.

Our state is experiencing a huge outbreak right now too. Yet people insist on going out to bars and restaurants and not wear masks and just be completely oblivious to anyone who is high-risk. I agree--it's hard to feel compassion for those people. It makes me angry because some of us ARE trying to be careful but it's the morons out there that are ruining it for everyone.

The good thing about social media is that all the hate the Trumpsters have spewed for the last 4 years is seared online forever. That means when I'm looking for an electrician to do work around the house, or a restaurant to hold or cater an event, or hiring for work, I will find it and not give you the job or our business. We re-did our bathroom about 8 years ago. We are getting ready to remodel our kitchen. I was going to use the same contractor but his FB page if full of pro-Trump rhetoric. He's not getting a call or the $60,000 job. The restaurant that welcomed participants of the Trump parade will never see us again or any of the events I plan (I do that as a volunteer for a couple organizations). A neighborhood FB page has a spreadsheet of all the local businesses that supported Trump.

I ate inside a restaurant today for the first time since Februrary. It felt illegal. Lol. I was so uncomfortable.