Wanted to add that if he was to fly over to the country he would have to pay for his own ticket and honestly I just want to tell him to get his own hotel or there are youth hostels. I just know that I will get bad reactions from everyone for daring to not host a family member.

I wish that once in a while I could feel beautiful. I would love nice skin all the time though!!!! I've had awful skin since I hit puberty and I now realize that my self esteem is directly related to how bad I am broken out. Here is to L'Bri and a new skin line. Wish me luck!

Look, I have been breaking out A LOT due to stress and bad eating habits. I am changing that through meditation, working out, a better face cleaning routine and not eating so much unhealthy food. I am trying to manage my acne so the last thing I need is you pointing out my pimples or redness. Seriously, in public?! I put on make up to hide the pimple and then you point out that it makes my acne worst so I go without it and you mention out my acne to everyone. It is embarrassing. I hope one day you fall flat on your face in your six inch stilettos. Why do you try to make other people feel bad just to build yourself up? Would it kill you to say something nice that doesn't have to translate to a compliment to yourself. You try to act "ladylike" but acting fake and overly poised isn't the way to go. Everyone can see through your smallness and prissiness and you keep pointing out other peoples' flaws when we can all see yours.

DH was bugging me for sex and my stomach hurt so bad that I couldn't even move without the fear of crapping myself, so I told him I'd come find him when my tummyache stopped. A few hours later, I told him I felt better and then he couldn't perform. I hate when sex gets ruined like that. :P

I had a dream last night that I was getting called out by an old friend for missing her wedding (which I did- and it was shitty). She was ripping me a new one and I knew I deserved it, but in the middle of what she was saying I got up, walked outside and lit a cigarette. She followed me outside, but she just got in her car, slammed the door, and drove off. And I stood there all by myself, smoking. Feeling completely and deservedly terrible. I woke up feeling all guilty and bad. But- I still have not smoked.

I'm usually a nice person and very easy to get along with. But if you piss me off bad enough I can really be a bitch. I'm kinda proud of how I can stand up for myself when I have to.

I feel bad for my son. Today is his 8th birthday. Not one family member called to tell him happy birthday. Not one.

I'm thankful I get to be a SAHM, especially for last minute things that are sprung me. DD's school decided TWO days was enough notice to tell us the is no school today. The calender says there is supposed to be school today, but tomorrow they're supposed be off. They switched it so that they have today off, but go tomorrow instead. I feel bad for parents who have to work and weren't given enough notice so they can make alternative plans. We're in a military town, a lot of us don't even know someone well enough yet to babysit and have no one to support so some people's options are to take off work or pay more in daycare cost than they'd get for working for the day.

This morning I feel sick to my stomach because I know that bf and I aren't going to make it. It needs to be over. We've tried for 3 years and we just can't seem to find a healthy balance to our relationship. I'm going to miss the things that work about us, but I believe the bad outweighs the good. Feeling sad.

Cleaning out the litter boxes today. After scooping I usually sweep the room they are in and use the dust pan to put that in the trash. Dh ran off with the dust pan a couple days ago to shave his pubes and now I can't find it. He never puts things back where he got them and I'm stuck with a pile of cat litter on the laundry room floor. Thinking of making him clean it up when he gets home. He hates dealing with dirty litter. I'll ask him where it is, sometimes i'm bad at finding things, but if it isnt in the general area I keep it in I think I'll make him do it. I feel like it's a little bitchy, but I am so sick of him doing things like this.