I kind of feel bad for that poor elephant. :(

last night I dreamed that my mother passed away. It was the worst dream I think I have ever had. I love my mom & we're super close. I hope it wasn't some sign of something bad going to happen. :(

I watch the show Parenthood and wish so badly that my family was more like theirs. My brothers hate each other, one of my two sisters is dead from a drug overdose and the other is on her way to that conclusion. My parents are both dead. I have no relationship with my niece or nephews. My sisters both abandoned their kids and their fathers raised them. My kids have no relationship with their cousins.

I cut a toxic 85 yr old aunt out of my life after she said some horrible things about me. She said I stole things and tried to steal other things. She said I wasn't helping my parents enough (they were sick and dying). All of this is made up. She said I cut her out of the family business, which wasnt true. She sued me over that and was thrown out of court. She is extremelly paranoid and delusional. She can be very believable. She lives alone, so no checks and balances there. This has gone on for years and I have kept my silence, allowing her to badmouth me and other members of my family without saying one word against her. This has been exhausting and caused much anguish. She needs psychiatric evaluation but since I'm out of her life, I can't make it happen. This latest attack has debilitated me. I just want it to stop.

Argghh I get so frustrated with my husband. Yes I made you late today while I was packing your lunch and you left your waterbottle in your truck. From then on everything I did was wrong. Fine back your own lunch if I am so bad at it and leave me alone.

My step father used to have me breathe into his car breathalyzer so he could keep driving. He'd hand the device to me with a can of beer in his other hand. He threatened to hurt me so many times as a teen, and he's the reason why I met my husband. When my step father was stomping around the house drunk as hell, I would be on the internet chatting with my future-husband in an attempt to drown it out. I don't feel bad that horrible man is dead. I just feel bad that he never found peace while he was alive. He ruined my childhood and early teen years, but I got the love of my life out of that misery.

Why do family members use the fact that you are related to them and therefore they can take advantage of you? I mean, I get being close to people but if you aren't going to show some gratitude, manners or even consideration then maybe family members should be cut off. I already have shelled out money to relatives to visit me, put up with their constant remarks and been ignored when I need help. I don't want to be the bad person but why do people take it that cutting off family members that are toxic is the fault of the person who can't take it anymore? The whole "family doesn't give up on family" thing is getting to be too much when family is the one hurting me.

I thought about you ladies today when I went out to eat. I ordered a dish that I can easily make at home and make well, Cobb Salad. Well, it was not as good as mine, but I did not want to be a bad customer who complains. The bacon was barely there, and I didn't see any bleu cheese. The vinaigrette was all oil and no vinegar. It had chicken salad on it instead of chicken breast, which is fine, but who puts cut up purple grapes in a chicken salad and doesn't explain it on the menu? Really! You mention walnuts in the chicken salad, but you don't mention grapes? Okay. Yuck. I picked them out, and when the server asked, "how is everything?" I said "GREAT!" I didn't want to be the rude customer who sends their dish back, but I'm not ordering that again!

Every time I see her lying greedy bitch face it's like a punch in the gut. The fact that she even has the nerve to contact me after all that has happened is unfathomable. Looking back on the past year it had probably been like this the whole time only it took me this long to catch on. But you can only hide who you really are for so long. All that talk about how much she cares about me. All the blather about finally having a sister. About loving the tribe. Clearly it was all an act. And I wanted to work on it. For MONTHS now I have tried to get through. I tried to get her to open up and figure out what the real problem is before it destroyed something that could have been so beautiful I know now the real problem is that she is just a manipulative, jealous, greedy whore. I don't even feel bad anymore that she's getting used. She does it to herself.

There are 2 full bathrooms in this house. BF,who doesn't live here, knows I only like using the one in my room because I use special toilet paper due to sensitivity. The other bathroom, has normal toilet paper. If I have to use the other bathroom, I will bring my roll with me.I can't put the expensive tp in there because that one goes through a roll a day, where as 1 roll for mine lasts 4-5 days. I come in my bedroom, BF asks me to watch something on the tv real quick, I told him, I don't have time, have to go to the bathroom real bad. I start heading in and he runs and squeezes by to get in there "let me pee real quick", I said go to the other bathroom, but he shuts the door. Seriously? If I can't hold it for a minute to watch whatever you want me to watch, then obviously I couldn't hold it while you went pee. I had to run to the other side of the house to go. I'm picky about very few things, and this is one.