Actually, there's a lot of research supporting the idea that marriage is not such a great deal for women, financially or emotionally. My marriage is definitely not good, but I'd say it's average. My husband is kind, doesn't drink, works hard, is a good father, and does housework. I still think marriage sucks. Women get sold on this idea at a young age that marriage = happiness, but it doesn't. We're also told that not being married = failure and unhappiness. Does it though? Have you ever noticed how when a man's wife dies, he looks for another women right away, but when a woman's husband dies, 9/10 times she's like, "Nah, I'm good."

He refuses to invest in a stable retirement, refuses to adhere to a budget to get us out of debt, refuses to put any type of thought or help into raising our kids, refuses to help me figure out how to afford to send them back to school, expects me to just "make a blog or something" and make money off of it. There are just so many things, and I don't know what to do. Between the kids refusing to do school at this point because we're all emotionally and mentally exhausted, trying to find hours in the day to monetize a blog and find a WFH job that I can feasibly do, and rein in this idiotic idea he has, I just want to scream! I am hating myself for not finishing my degree, hating myself for getting married, and while I don't hate being a parent I wish that I had made different life choices. I feel stuck, and I don't know where to start to change it. 2/2.

First day back and I miss my old teammate. We both started 3 years ago with the org. Not only was so she a huge emotional support, but she was buffer between myself and another coworker that always seems to trigger me with her prying personal questions. She's from Australia and doesn't seem to be tactful at all. Today when talking about our hours she asked if I was working another PT job, I simply said no. She looked shocked and asked if I was just chilling with the rest of my time. I pushed back and said, No, I'm choosing to take time away to focus on my health. If only you knew what I've been working on. I didn't want to share how tough it's been for my mental health this past year because she's very nosy. She was the one that randomly asked if I had a boyfriend yet. UGH, she's the only one my team, so I need to be ok with working with her.

This may not seem like a big deal, but emotionally, it took a lot of work for me to get here. I shed a few tears packing those boxes. Then I started completely rearranging my living room to suit the way we actually live instead of some idea of what a living room is supposed to be like according to how I grew up. Grief is a long process, and overcoming it looks different in every person. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, lol

Quote of the year for me: "A history of trauma can give you a high tolerance for emotional pain. Just because you can take it doesn't mean you have to."

We had a great Thanksgiving. No extended family, just us. We don't like turkey, so we did salmon. It was great, and I want every holiday to be just like this. No arguing, no emotional manipulation, no stress afterward, easy cleanup.

In the past, iron infusions had me feeling betteay Two. Not this time. I'm on Day Three. I wake up tired, I'm so emotional (an episode of Two and a Half Men had me sobbing for an hour!), and can turn from a bawl baby to a raging bitch in 3.2 seconds, and it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. DH has been a freakin' saint lately. I actually apologized to him this evening and he said 'it's OK. I know you're not feeling your best.'

Im so tired of going from fantastic to fucking miserable in .2 seconds. Ive got emotional whiplash. I'm so tired.

There is definitely something wrong with me. I want to cry, scream, sleep, and do nothing all at the same time. I am never emotional like this. I haven't been able to eat without being physically sick in weeks, and yet I have gained 6 pounds. I am not pregnant. That's always everyone's first assumption. My hair is falling out all over the place, I can't sleep but I'm exhausted. AND (TMI) one of my breasts has been leaking some type of yellow fluid and is painful. I've put in a "request" to see my doctor, but this is my 3rd time requesting. I don't have insurance and I'm not dying so not a priority patient. I hate everything.

I'm beginning to realize that I have really bad emotional intelligence and I really just sort of suck at relationships in general. I have zero idea how to fix that about myself but I don't know if I care to fix it....I think most relationships are way overrated.