This is long, so if you take the time to read it, please know I would be grateful and appreciative of any advice. My spouse and I moved out of state a couple of years ago, and since then, it has been nothing but misery - financial, mental, marital, and emotional problems between the two of us. We probably shouldn't have moved to the new state so fast, and things didn't quite work out the way we wanted them to. He has had jobs, but been without a steady job over the past 2 years. He lost his most recent job in April of this year. I have had a steady job for the past year-and-a-half. At any rate, he had been wanting to move back to his home state, so he started looking for jobs both in this state and in his home state. He got some callbacks in his old state, went to interview in person, and he now has a job offer to work in our old state. Our marriage has been through hell and back over the past 4 years, and we're at a very fragile time in our lives. There are also other problems, such as our nonexistent sex life and trust issues. My mind is telling me to let him move back, separate, file for divorce and go our separate ways. My heart is saying to go along with him, work on the marriage, for me to try and get a job there if we move back together, and continue our life as best we can. I am not sure what to do. I would have to quit my job here and start all over again. I am happy here in the new state, but he is not, obviously, and again, we've been having marital issues for years anyway that have not yet been resolved. Thanks.

I'm a senior citizen. I dumped my abusive husband by packing in secret and moving many of my things to a storage place when he was asleep. It took almost a year. During that time I got a lawyer lined up. I saved money I earned, none from him. When he was out of town, I filed for divorce and served him with the papers while he was there. I refused to talk or email with him and let my lawyer handle him. I got no money from him because of a prenuptial agreement, but I am managing. I now live in peace and safety. That nasty, cruel, sicko financially sexually psychologicallly emotionally physically abusive SOB doesn't have any part of me any more. It took strategy and planning, but if someone elderly and beaten down as I was could do it, you can do it too. PS - He was the love of my life until he started abusing, so I know all about leaving the emotional connection. Sometimes you have to let go of your outmoded feelings in order to be safe & happy.

I've been given some second chances in life but when someone repeatedly disrespects you, shows no signs of love or caring, leaves you emotionally neglected during bad times and isn't a partner in any sense of the word....and you have tried to explain how you feel....it's time for a little tough love.

My mother has been dropping major hints that she wants to move in with DH and me when she retires in five years. She is disabled, but is still able to get around on her own. My step father is able bodied, and she wants him to move in with us. The thing is we've already done the living together thing when I got out of college. DH and I paid rent, but we were all miserable. DH almost left me in order to escape my Mother's constant abuse and emotional outbursts at him. She'd be utterly nasty to him, and defend herself by saying that she was "a mother" and she was allowed to talk to him like that. She really needs to be on anti-anxiety meds, but doesn't believe the doctors or anyone else. I don't want her to move in at all. It isn't about not being grateful or being a bad child, but being miserable again does no good for any of us. It would be easier if she moved to the same city and I visited, but she doesn't want that. She wants to move in so I can quit my job and take care of her, and that's just not going to happen. My job is my baby, and I've worked so hard to get where I am now. I guess there's no way of turning her down without me looking like an ass, or her guilt tripping me.

Fuckin' In-Laws. What a disappointment. We usually all get on so well. They're usually out of town for Christmas. This Christmas they decided that they'd join us. And this Christmas is the day the FIL decides it's time to 'make a point' regarding the parenting of our DS5. That didn't go down to well and it sure put a damper on the whole day. I had my son crying that he never wants them to come over for Christmas ever again and FIL acting like a stroppy teenager because we didn't agree with him and told him (very nicely and respectfully) to let us parent the way we parent. There were several other people there (all in-laws) who witnessed what happened and all have agreed after the fact that FIL was totally in the wrong and our sons behaviour, while not perfect, is quite good. He'd done nothing wrong, it was a miss communication between the two of them that got way out of hand because FIL forgot to be a grown up and acted like an emotionally stunted child. After taking a few moments to calm down our son was ready to re-join the family fun, but FIL unfortunately just couldn't get over it and ended up leaving early with out even a proper goodbye. Of all days to pick to act like a nob why the F would you do it on Christmas? First and LAST Christmas extended family will be invited too. (I'm sorry, I know this is ridiculously long.)

As a fornery abused spouse, I want to say that physical violence in a relationship rarely happens out of nowhere. Usually the abuser tests his victim by first abusing in a more subtle way. Maybe withholds money, affection, approval. Emotional abuse is hard to recognize. Abusers will often blame you for their behavior or act like they have no idea why you are upset. Over time, the abuser will chip away at your self-esteem, causing you to feel guilty, doubt yourself, and distrust your perceptions. Other aspects of the relationship may be OK. The abuser may be loving between episodes, so that you deny, forget or excuse his mistreatment. You may not have had a healthy relationship for comparison, and when the abuse takes place in private, there are no witnesses to validate your experience. You start thinking you must be mistaken, he's a nice guy, right? If he is putting you down, yelling at you, withholding sex, money or help, he IS an abuser.

No, I agree. If you are a woman, you can choose to get to know the man before you sleep with him. You can choose to not have sex with a man who does not have decent morals or values. You can choose to not have sex with a man who has multiple baby mamas. If you are not sure, then don't have sex with this man. I grew up poor and didn't go to college, I grew up with low self esteem and didn't have great choices of men in my hometown. Yet, it wasn't hard to see what men were bad choices, what men had babies by one or more women. I didn't sleep with them. It wasn't hard to figure out where babies come from. If a man had babymamas, I didn't sleep with them. I chose to not "get with" them. No, it's not the woman's fault, it's the man's too. But women need to start making better choices, too. So do the men. HUMANS need to stop sleeping around and creating multiple children with multiple partners, esp when they can't emotionally or financially provide. The fact is, people just don't think, and they want what feels nice in the moment, or they are foolish to think they will be different.

Money's tight, but I signed up for the 21-day Fix and Shakeology challenge. Been in a horrible funk lately and think it's because I've been emotionally eating and not working out as much. No motivation to do it especially with this bad weather and lack of support. I hope getting stronger, fitter, and healthier will bring more confidence. Bonus my friend has had great success with this and will be my Beachbody coach!

I hope my ex SD is on here and reads about herself in the selfish adult stepkids posts. She thinks she is perfect and she gives the impression of religious and holier-than-thou moral superiority. But in truth she is an emotionally immature whiner who doesn't do anything for anyone unless it can be manipulated to benefit her.

Fuck, I am like...emotional right now. Fuck.