I had a cardiac CT last week. Because of family history, doc wanted to see if heart disease may be in my future. She called yesterday after we’ve had an amazing three days at the beach. I need a cardiac cath ASAP. Calcium levels are FOUR times the normal rate. She says there’s a possibility that I’ll either get stents or doc will end the cath and send me to OR for bypass. For the first time in my life I’m terrified. Good vibes, prayers, and any positive thoughts would be MUCH appreciated.

H is on a business trip. Suddenly and unexpectedly, our dog passed away the other night, most likely of a heart attack. Keeled over and died right in front of my eyes. I'm distraught. H travels, DS works and is in college, so this dog was all I had at times. I'm so heartbroken and devastated that I had to take a personal day from work. Today we're trading pictures and memories of our dog via text. I can't talk because I'm sobbing. AND THEN H just starts talking about sex. JFC. This isn't the first time I've had a man do this, start talking about sex when I'm on the floor sobbing to the point of almost vomiting. 4/25/2021, the day I officially have decided that I hate men.

After sitting with the issue, I'm now getting excited about leaving. I know my heart no longer felt inspired or challenged by the work plus l health was declining for all the stress. I'm thinking about the next chapter and I have trust it will be better!

My youngest is turning 5 next month. His second birthday in a pandemic. When I asked him what he would like to do, he asked for a water slide and said "I can have so much fun with my brother!" Poor baby just knows not to expect anyone else to be there. Absolutely broke my heart. Now I'm struggling to find anyone in our area that has been safe enough to invite.

What have you learned or are you learning about yourself from this pandemic year? Here are my 3 main things -- #1- learning how to slow it way down, #2 - always put my health first since it can be gone in a heartbeat, and #3 - how to be sit with myself and not runaway from my problems by distracting myself. I'm curious to hear from you. What were your learnings?

My work anxiety has been through the roof lately with an increase in workload. I can't seem to relax, working OT, and not doing any self-care. My heart races before bed, have work nightmares, and wake up not feeling rested at all.

You're not alone, and other intuitive friends have told me the same thing. i can read other people like a book, but NEVER romantic interests. I've had lots of heartbreak and several failed relationships because of this. The only explanation I can come up with is that these people are supposed to be in our lives to teach us some kind of lesson in order to grow spiritually. Hey, Universe! I've learned my lessons, can this shit stop now?!? lol

My dad was the best man I have ever known. He never ever got upset with us for anything, he worked his ass off to provide for me, my siblings, and my mom. We never went without, we always had excess. He helped other people to the point that he was taken advantage of many times and he always let them do it. He approached everything with a heart full of kindness. He talked constantly, laughed generously, and gave from the absolute bottom of his heart to everyone. He was as close to perfect as you can get, I really believe that. And he loved chocolate BlueBell ice cream and he drank gallons of coffee. I will miss him every day that I have to continue living without him. The void of his absence will never be filled. Thank you all for your sympathies and hugs from my last post.

I get so frustrated with my dad's wife. She asks me constantly about which supplements to take to lose weight. I have to be honest with her and tell her there AREN'T ANY. The ones out there that have claims do a few things: decrease your appetite a little, speed up your heart rate, give you horrific diarrhea, or are diuretic and make you lose water weight. Bottom line=you can't just add supplements and expect to lose any weight unless you actually are changing your eating plan. I wish more people understood that.

No way would we ever call Adult Protective Services. Then we’d be caught up in a nasty legal mess for who knows how long. And, yes, my Dad would be SO pissed! DH and I are sneaking into town in a few weeks and I’m going to insist we go on a tour of a ‘supported living’ facility. There WILL be a decision made before we leave, one way or another. If the building manager where he lives now were to hear of the filth he’s living in, he’d be evicted in a heartbeat. He’s gonna have to put his big boy pants on NOW!