Thanks to the confessor who mentioned the book, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". I want to read it now. The example of the zig zag really described how the healing process is happening for me. Most of the time I feel strong, healed and moved on. Sometimes thoughts of my exh will bring on anger and I'm glad we're done, and then other times I cry and miss him and the way things used to be. I honestly believe that I'll probably never recover fully deep inside... and I'm okay with that. We spent so many years together and that precious history can never be erased. It's okay to feel all the zig zag feelings that happen. For the most part, I'm healthy, happy, have moved on and have a good life.

I love my period... it means I have a valid excuse to tell dh no. He is freaking obsessed with sex, as in at least twice a day for a couple of hours each. Ever since my C-section, more than 10 minutes of sex hurts like hell for days. (Yes, I've had this checked. They can't figure out what's wrong with me) and dh doesn't care. He just wants to get laid.

Am I the only one who buys way too much makeup? I just bought a ton of stuff from several Indie companies, mostly eyeshadows and mineral foundation samples. I have so much makeup that I know there's just no way I'd use up all this makeup in my lifetime. I just love eyeshadow way too much! And when there's a 25% off sale then I figure why not? Especially if they offer freebies when you spend a certain amount. Must. Stop.

I lost 75 pounds. I have 25 more to go and I am set to go to my home state before traveling to a new country. My dad said I better get on the ball to lose weight before going home. I have such an eating disorder that hearing that made me think that maybe my family only loves me when I lose weight and fit their standards of beauty. I get that my dad may be afraid that I will get unhealthy again but I have come so far...am I ever going to be good enough? I know my husband loves me, I know that I can be a good friend, a great cook and a decent writer. I am going to accomplish a lifelong dream of traveling but I still feel like the fat girl who was never good enough for anything, the scapegoat who never stood up for herself and just that sad person all over again. I used to eat so much and I feel like...with the pressure to lose weight before seeing family, I have started throwing up and taking a lot of laxatives while also overeating some days and little on others. I feel horrible.

I'm not going to workout tonight. I'm not going to go to bed early or do work. I"m going to watch one more episode of the show I love because it's been a really f'ed up few weeks, and I deserve this.

I like the idea of a celebrity channel. I really despise celebrity and TV show chatter, and would love for that to be somewhere I don't have to look.

Since when is raising my children not a viable option? I think I have four kids who love being home with their mom who would disagree.

admin-I tried commenting on the blog but was unable to.. I like all the ideas for the upcoming channels except the "politics" one. I think that one will get VERY ugly and nasty and bring out the worst in people. also-please don't delete all the old confessions! I think they're all great and love that there is already over 200 pages of confessions.

I loved the body channel. It had very little bickering and most of the people who posted/commented were really nice and encouraging. I liked being able to post about my weight loss progress and encouraging others when it came to their weight loss. I understand that a lot of people don't want to read that stuff all the time.

I'm planning on buying a house within the year. There is one house I love, it's been on the market for just over a year. It's listed as a "short sale". The entire year I've been keeping and eye on it, the real estate company takes it off the market every few months, then re-lists it, and it's always been $120k. They took it off last week, then relisted it today at $150k. Seriously? You haven't sold the home in over a year, what makes you think that adding $30k to the price will help it sell? If I decide to buy it, I'm going to call them out on it and offer $100k.