An 'emotional affair' is completely different from 'friendship'. An emotional affair crosses boundaries that are not respectful of the others' spouses. If you imagine your friend as a sexual partner, long for them sexually, think 'oh if only I wasn't married' or 'what IF?' all the time, you have crossed a serious line. It's sad that people don't know the difference.

Then you don't know the difference between an "emotional affair" and a "friendship". They are two different things.

JFC. Did you read the entire post? "he makes fun of me or makes condescending comments". He complains about their sex life but when she tries to do something about it, he laughs at her and makes her feel stupid. It may not be intentional or emotional abuse by the normal definition but it still hurts and if it IS intentional...yes he is emotionally abusing her by laughing at her on purpose.

This "emotional affair" thing is such crap, and totally controlling. A person can't have a meaningful, close friendship with someone other than their SO? Screw that.

About to make a trip across the country to spend two weeks with our families we have not seen in almost two years. Truthfully, I wish something would happen so we didn't have to make the trip. I love my family but it is an amazing feeling being so far away from everyone. Both of our families just drag us down and I feel like 100 pound weights are sitting on my shoulders when we around mine or DH's family. He really misses everyone and wants to see them because he has grandparents that are not in good health. It is going to be non stop questions about everything under the sun, my grandmother making comments about everything wrong with my looks and weight, DH mom literally crying about everything and trying to make us feel guilty about anything she can think about. An occasional talk on the phone is enough for me. I hate saving for two years and our trip is going to be emotionally exhausting. I told DH next time we make a trip it is going to be somewhere fun for just me, him and DS. No one ever comes to visit us, we always have to visit them. I would rather light our money on fire than spend it going to visit our families. If I didn't love DH so much I sure wouldn't be making this trip.

So now LAUGHING at someone is emotional abuse. JFC.

Wait- so if you fall in love with someone else and don't do anything about it, (don't sleep with them, or leave your spouse to be with them) you're still a cheater? I'm really curious about this. Do you think that people can control who they fall in love with? And what constitutes cheating? How close is too close to be with someone? I always said if you wouldn't do it with your DH standing there then you shouldn't do it, but what constitutes and emotional affair? Is it just a feeling, or is there actual criteria involved? What if it's only one-sided? What if I have romantic feelings and he doesn't, or vice-versa? Love is so confusing.

When I was in my 20's, I had an affair with a married man. Yes I know it was wrong. Yes I regret it. It happened because he was wealthy and attractive, had a boat a big house in a rich town and a BMW. My self esteem was so low at the time that I just didint care that he was married, I was just so happy that a wealthy attractive man was paying attention to me. The reason my self esteem was so low was a lifetime of verbal and emotional abuse from my parents. I was told things like "no you can't try out for the school play because you won't get a part" and " No you cant try out for cheerleading because everyone will make fun of you" and so on. It got worse when I was older "Dont bother applying for that job, they wont hire you" and "No one will ever marry you" and the occasional reminder about how how fat and stupid I was. Now, I have minimal contact with my parents. We get along but dont spend a lot of time together, we talk for maybe 5 minutes a day on the phone. The relationship ended a few months after I moved out of my parents's house. We got into an argument because I was not in the mood for sex. Usually I would just give in but this time I really wasnt in the mood. He had been drinking, got pretty nasty and said he didint want to see me anymore. Just then I realized that he was using me and that it was for the best that we not see each other anymore. I walked out the door of his big beautiful house (his wife was out of town) got in my car and went home to my tiny apartment, feeling strangely liberated. That was 10 years ago this month. I talked to him on the phone a few times a few months after that, but I havent seen him since.

One of my DH's friends called me "emotionally retarded". I don't know...am I?? Do I come off as a serious douche? That really hurt my feelings and I don't know how to change.

I knew a guy who had "emotional affairs." They didn't always stay emotional. The way he did it was bring the couples together a lot - vacation together, eating out. His wife always pretended (or maybe believed, since he was SUCH a nice guy, a good Christian, and a community leader) that they were just friendships. Meantime he was buying these ladies little gifts, sending them admiring notes, taking them to visit friends when they couldn't afford to go themselves, joining clubs they belonged to, etc. He integrated them into his life and unless you really KNEW, and read the looks between him and his lady friends, you wouldn't KNOW, only suspect. He tried to make me one of them. Brought me home from a meeting at night and kissed me passionately. It was weird from this so-called friend and buddy of my H. Glad we moved shortly after that because it was awkward.