For the love of all things holy, quit trying to tell me to get a job! You think I LIKE using YOUR money when all I need is something small like shampoo? Do you think I LIKE you nagging me? I've applied at 70 places. I applied at McDonalds for God sake. What else do you want from me?!

My best friend, the closest thing to a soulmate that I can imagine, died 7 years ago. I loved him, more than I've ever loved anyone. I've never spoken of him to anyone since, haven't even said his name when I'm alone. My mom said his name last night. I guess she thought I was over him since I'm married now. But it physically hurt to hear his name. I'm still hurting this morning. Will it always feel like this?

I'm at the point where I think I might be sick of friendships. It feels like you don't get out what you put in. Not even close. The friends I have now are old friends, but I would never pick them as friends today. I'm not sure the whole thing pans out. I have known my best friend for almost 25 years, and I love her, but she is flaky as hell. I have been sick of it since probably 1997. There are things about her that seriously bother me. I don't maintain contact as much as I used to. I answer her calls, but I can't remember the last time I called her. She calls me when she has drama in her life.

My confession - my boss is leaving for a different department. We make a great team- everyone says so. I also love the person coming to head our department. My current boss has asked me if he has a spot, will I go with him. Yes but Heck Yes! People may judge and say there's something going on, but truly I just like the way we challenge each other and work never gets boring. I just know I won't have that with my new boss. But I can't say anything to anyone and this may take 6-8 months to play out. I'm going to go crazy!! It's very hard and makes me feel bad to lie when other co-workers ask if I'm leaving too.

Subbed for a cycling class tonight. Felt like the students weren't that into it at first cuz some of them kept on chatting in class and I was nervous since if was a fairly largish group with many new faces. Then I started criticizing myself for not preparing for class and did drills on the fly. But guess it wasn't too noticeable bc at the end they raved about how much they loved class and asked if I would sub again. Yay! A lesson in faking till you make it and having more compassion for self.

A few years ago, I had a crush on a divorced guy with two sons. He was raising them alone, and he was amazing with them. The youngest would tell him about something he clearly didn't get at home - like Cheetos - and my crush would respond with amazement, total and complete astonishment, as if he'd never heard of Cheetos before in his life. It was so adorable. And I could tell he really loved talking to his kids. Yeah. I totally wanted to do that guy.

I'm the one who told the cheating ex about how his parents thought he was a mistake. The look on his face was priceless. He had mentioned to me a few years earlier he suspected his parents didn't love him. I just gave him some comfort in confirming his feelings as a parting gift. He had his whore's shoulder to cry on. Be careful how you treat people, when you mess with someone's emotions and health (luckily I didn't get any STDs from him) you get what you deserve. His whore was a former friend who used me as her source of comfort when she'd have a pregnancy or STD scare due to not using protection.

I love watching my husband when he is out doing yard work or gardening. Probably because he usually is all shirtless and sweaty. I love me a sexy man who gardens! C'mon, summer!

I love my mom but we have a hard time getting along for more than a few hours. Sigh.

At the medical office I used to work at, I had a woman come in one day yelling about her drippy yeast infection and wanting a vaccine for swine flu. DH had a woman come into his clinic and told anyone who would listen she lost a clove of garlic in her vagina. We were just support, not clinical staff!!