I finally got a full blood workup at my gyno, and I don't know if I'm happy or sad about it. Everything came back normal, which is great. But I still am gaining weight with no explanation and have lost 75% of my hair since last May. And now I don't know what my next step should be.

For me, I actually was a lot bigger than I am now, but even so. Looking back at pics from high school, I was probably 140-150lbs. That's not so bad. I didn't look anywhere near as fat as I thought I was. ... So, by that logic, WHY on God's green earth do I look at photos of myself now (age 46, weight 120lbs) and think I look fat? There's something wrong with my brain, I tell ya.

Why can't he just take a vitamin or fiber supplement? If his Dr said he needs to eat better, it's up to him to make that choice to do so. It's like trying to make someone lose weight or stop smoking. My dh eats like shit too, but guess what... not my problem. I exercise and take care of myself, I'm not gonna micro manage a grown-ass man's diet!

I found some old pictures of me from when I thought I was fat. I was a size 5-6. WTF, brain. I'm betting most of us who thought we were fat once actually weren't. Didn't help that I had a grandmother who constantly told me I could lose a few pounds and then I'd look amazing. Seriously, screw everyone who comments on people's weight.

I'm really surprised at how many people my age don't exercise at all. I'm 40 and I ski, bike, walk, run, use the cross trainer, jump rope, lift weights. Most people my age can barely walk 30 minutes, at least the people in my social group. I don't feel 40 though...I don't have any body pain, I'm flexible, and my heart is in great shape. I wish people realized how great it is for your overall health. It really is the closest thing there is to a fountain of youth.

I'm trying to figure out what is holding me back from just eating enough to be healthy. I know I'm too thin but I'm terrified of gaining weight maybe because I used to be obese and I am afraid of ending up that way again. God this sucks. Why can't I just eat and be normal?

I'm also at my highest weight ever (outside of pregnancy), and on Wednesday I have a refresher video interview for a job that I got just prior to COVID that was withdrawn but is now back on the table. Best believe I will be contouring the shit out of my face to hide the pudge.

I’m at my highest weight EVER. I’ve laid off the sweets but the carbs and ham are killing me. I was doing so well, then a month ago kind of slipped. I’ve been sliding downhill ever since. Not waiting for that New Year’s resolution. It starts today!!

Another new year and I'm considering a Whole30 again. I always consider doing it but it is so strict. They say you may actually gain weight on it if you do it right and I do need to gain...the recipes don't list calories on purpose to keep you from counting. Maybe I could do it and just add approved snacks or something. I hate that I crave sugar so much and maybe going with a higher fat approach and focusing on lean meats will help.

I've been doing my reverse dieting to try to gain a little weight back and fix my metabolism. I must be eating in one hell of a deficit for my needs because I figured I'm eating 1600-1700 calories a day and not gaining and I weigh in the double digits. I am pretty active, so I'm wondering if I just need to bump up a bunch more. I'm going to shoot for 2300 a day and see what happens. My goal is to get to 115 and pack on about 5-6 lbs of muscle and some much-needed fat too.