My DH said some really mean things to me right before leaving on a business trip. We haven't spoken in two days. I wish he would just apologize. A true heartfelt apology. I'm not sure I've ever been so hurt.

i am high on him. i am always high on him. he makes conversation while i try to hear him above the roar of the sound of my heart in my ears. it pounds for him. focus! he smiles. i melt and lose myself in the crinkles around the edges of his eyes. he reaches out to tap my leg while he speaks, but his chair is too far away, and he strikes instead air. i rejoice at his inclination to touch me. he departs. and i watch him go, a sea of blue shirt and loose black curls and fascination. i can't stop smiling.

I am sick of hearing from Americans about the Scottish Independence Debate. Most of them have no clue what is really going on. They think it's like the movie Braveheart or that Scotland is oppressed or some bullshit. They know nothing about what is really going on, they just think it sounds good for Scotland to have our independence.

I don't see what's so crazy about the suggestion of not having kids if you can afford them and especially not expecting other people (ie, taxes) to raise them for you. I couldn't care less if your kids are "illegitimate" but if you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em. It's hardly fair to bring children into poverty, is it? Child poverty is TOTALLY preventable in a Western nation where birth control is freely available...and yes there are free condoms, and even if there weren't if you can't afford birth control pills you definitely can't afford maternity care and a kid. Obviously poverty is a bigger issue, there is some very unfair stuff going on in society and the people controlling the country are are making the gap between the rich and poor worse. But if you have any heart or conscience you won't have a kid you know you can't afford. Get your head out of the sand.

It hurts my heart to think at this very moment a pod of dolphins are being brutally slaughtered in Japan. And yes, I know there are huge amounts of human suffering going on as well, before anyone starts on me for not caring about people, but that doesn't make the senseless, cruel slaughter of animals any less senseless and cruel.

One of our dogs died last month. DH mentioned last night he wouldn't mind getting another so we can have two again. I told him no, we need to stay a one dog family. In my heart I really do want another, but one dog is SOOOOO much easier. We'll just foster instead.

Went to the top of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis today. I smiled for the family but inside I felt like my heart was pounding between my ears. You go up in these tiny windowless pods. TINY. Google them. When you're at the top the Windows slant outwards and there were of course a ton of people. I could have kissed the grass when we were done. I just can't deal with crowds and noise.

OK, so if one party doesn't agree to move on if you fall out of love, then the other person should agree to be miserable for life? And has it ever considered that maybe Neil Young is in love with Daryl Hannah, and it's not about the first attractive person that comes along? That's just a huge assumption...I very much doubt he left his wife of 36 years over a schoolboy crush at his age. Humans are not monogamous. At best we're serial monogamists. Marriage is a very old tradition. I for one would rather be living in the days where we are free to follow our hearts if we fall out of love than the days when divorce was unheard of, domestic violence was considered a normal way for a man to treat a woman and women are considered human beings, not property to be traded off. I don't know why so many people see the divorce rate as a bad thing. It's a necessary side effect of people being free to follow their heart and their happiness. Yes, it sucks for the other party, but that is as much the case now as it was 200 years ago when the husband wouldn't leave but would just bang the maid instead and the wife couldn't do anything about it.

My DD5 thinks that any time I "punish" her (and I put that in quotations because my punishments are not bad, just taking things away and talking about the problem. I don't yell. I don't hit.) that it means I do not love her at all. She'll just cry and say, "You mean you don't love me anymore?", "You mean you don't want me as your daughter?" and various other things of that sort. I feel so bad that she feels this way. Kids really do feel things x100. But there are times when she acts like such a stinker that I can't let that behavior go without a punishment. Ugh. Punishments are heartbreaking for both of us :/

I like my IL's. A lot, actually. They are cool, older people who like to hike, camp and fish. So why not hang out with them? It's not all the time, but at least a few times a year we get together with my DH's brother and all the kids and do some fun outdoorsy stuff. My MIL is in great shape, young at heart, even runs marathons. I think she's a good person to look up to. I'm really lucky to have such great IL's I guess.