I can't understand why I hate people so much. I think maybe my depression is just making me only see the bad in people lately. Also, I feel like I can't enjoy anything so I get jealous of anyone who's having fun. Anhedonia is a real thing and it's a bitch. One of my goals for the new year is to lighten up on myself a bit so I can be a better friend to people.

I've decided to finally tell my DH on sunday that I want a divorce. He will be mostly blindsided by this. We've only been married 4 years, and I do love him, but this marriage isn't good for either of us. I'm both scared and excited. I don't fear for my safety but I'm not looking forward to all the backlash I'll get from him, friends, and family. Nor am I looking forward to the process if he decides to be contentious. I am excited about both of us being free and happy once all of it is over though.

A few months ago I got a phone call in the middle of the night from a strange number. I ignored it. Next morning had an email from my profile on a professional website that I had a lead. It was the same number - and they left a nasty msg. I traced the # to a woman in a town that DH had worked in for several months earlier this year, in another state. I asked him who this was and he said she was part of a group of ppl he and his coworkers befriended and hung out with. Not unusual at all. He said that was inappropriate of her, called her and cut off the friendship. He got drunk w/friends yesterday and fell asleep w/his phone unlocked. I looked. He has her programmed under a guy's name. She texted him all day "Call me if you love me!" "You're away from your wife today, I need to hear your voice!" and "Are you fucking another woman?!" (Besides me, I guess?) and he called her 17 times. His deceit is unfathomable. Looks like 2021 will be starting with a divorce. I'm broken.

I've been dating since I was 15. I'm now 45. I've been married once and in a very long term relationship after that marriage ended. Now, I'm single once again and loving it. And I'm bewildered as to WHY I thought I needed to be in a relationship to be happy. I spent so much time dating, thinking about men, being in relationships with men, ending relationships with men, starting new relationships, trying to 'work on' relationships. I think now I just want to be on my own, permanently. The idea of dating seems repellant. Maybe in the future I'll just have something casual with someone but I never NEVER want to live with another human ever again!

Not a response to anyone here, and I feel for people who have recently lost a parent, but my parents have been gone for a long time. The idea that people can't miss ONE HOLIDAY with their mom or dad doesn't get a lot of sympathy from me. You will all be together when this is over. I haven't had Christmas with my parents in 13 years. You think you mis your parents? You don't know what that means. STAY AT HOME.

I hashed it out with DH about how much I expect him to take care of around the house. I think he finally gets it. I told him I'm tired of having to remember laundry and cooking and other chores and all he seems to manage is emptying the dishwasher and taking the trash out. He's been helping me a ton around the house the last few days and all I have to say is that it better keep up because I really shouldn't have to do much with him working sporadically and having so much time to do nothing.

I miss my Mom too. She was the one who loved Christmas and would decorate for it and go all out. She grew up poor and didn't have nice Christmases, so she really wanted that for us kids. She always wanted Christmas to be special. Now, this time of year is so depressing to me and I can't seem to get happy and excited no matter how hard I try. *Hugs* I won't say anything about getting over it or how it'll get better because I don't know that it ever will. Just know you aren't alone--losing your mom just plain sucks.

I’m so freakin’ sad! I miss my Mom SO much. I found our dog’s stocking (she died 8 months ago). I miss our great grandson, all of our grandkids, and my Dad. So I yelled at DH because he chose a spiral sliced ham over the one I wanted that he’d have had to slice, he decided that our traditional Christmas breakfast casserole is ‘too much trouble’ for me and opted to run to the 7-Eleven for apple fritters, and when I discussed our New Years Eve tradition of steak and crab cakes he said, ‘let’s just order pizza.’ I want to walk away from him, this house, this state, and just disappear right now.

That's a good idea, NoMoreSecrets. The funny thing is he called me by my coworkers name since he left a vmail with her, but I just helped her out since I was free. I didn't bother to correct him two times since talking through our masks was awkward.

You’ll never know until you try. I say go for it! Life is so short.