I know this will sound silly, but I decided to stop wallowing in depression....and I did, so far anyway. I even made it though my last period without any suicidal thoughts. I've been depressed for most of my life to the point where it was crippling at times .....and for some reason, I'm just not anymore. I hope I don't come off as smug by saying I "cured" myself of depression. I never thought I could.

I haven't drank in a while since I've been working so much and visiting a sick family member on days off. Tonight I'm enjoying the relaxing buzz from a cold beer. Ahhh, how sweet it is. :)

Dysthymia (most of my life) and atypical depression (no discernible reason for onset) for over 5 years. My memory has become unreliable. I sit for hours staring at nothing and don't realize a whole day has passed until my husband comes home. 3 years of going through drug after drug and therapy. I feel worse than ever. I quit med school, after working for 13 years to get there. I take just enough hours at work to pay bills. If I'm not working, I'm sleeping. We're moving across the continent in 3wks, and I haven't so much as cleaned my house in months. I feel so worthless, but just getting dressed takes so much effort that I feel like I've just run a mile. I've gained back 40lbs in the last 6 mos. I'm not at the bottom, but I think I see it around the corner, and I am so scared.

I had a fantastic Easter weekend, but now I'm feeling down about life. Emotional eating starts now.

My queendom for extra-long v- or scoop-neck tshirts in XXL!!! I love the ones from Target (like the tissue tees), but I am constantly pulling them down and it is so irritating. I confess that I fucking HATE the fashion industry.

We had 20 people here for Easter (8 of them grandkids). We had an Easter Egg hunt, a big lunch, and lots of games outside. Family helped me clean things up and it was a great day....I woke up this morning feeling like all I wanted to do was cry. I didn't go to the gym, drank sweet tea (it's a big no-no!), took two naps and generally wasted the entire day. Still feeling like I could cry, but this has to end NOW! I've got too much to get done the rest of the week. I just don't understand why I'm feeling this way.

I'm watching the old horror flick Black Christmas. There's a police officer in it that doesn't take any women seriously...a woman who's kid was supposed to be back from school hours ago, a college girl missing for over a day, obscene phone calls. This was set in the 70s. I recall when I was being stalked the police never took me seriously, not once. The film is so dead on in that regard. In my area, if you have a vagina you're hysterical and clearly imagining things...sad that forty years on from this film being made so many people still can't take women seriously.

I'll tell you what to wear.... if you're my teenaged daughter or my husband. Other than that, you're on your own! :) Do your thing!

We went to my husband's 20 year class reunion. We hung out all day at a picnic, a concert, went to lunch as a group, all kinds of casual stuff. For dinner, I traded my glasses for contacts, put on some subtle eye makeup, and wore a padded bra under a snug black dress. When I got to the dinner, I had people doing double takes - some didn't even recognize me! I got tons of complements (from both genders) about how well I 'cleaned up', and at one point two guys started getting aggressive about who got to dance with me next. A part of me enjoyed feeling like I was in a John Hughes movie, but I'm also sad for society if the only way we can find someone attractive is with petroleum products and stuffing. And, a small part of me wonders what would have happened if I had gone a step further and really glammed out - like actually washing and styling my hair, and wearing lipstick (instead of lip gloss)!

My dad asked me this weekend if I was going to "that thing where you burn statues in the middle of the dessert". :) Nope, not going to Burning Man this year - but I love that my 75 year old dad is doing his best to keep up with what goes on in my life, no matter if he 'gets it' or not. Go dad!