I’m strongly considering suicide so that my family can get my life insurance money. I can’t find a job after hundreds of applications, my credit cards are maxed out to the tune of $40,000, my power bill has been $600 3 months in a row despite doing everything except cutting off the main power supply to my house, I don’t even have grocery money for this week, and if things keep going this way we’re going to lose our house by January. I don’t know what to do. We’ve done everything “right” and just keep getting shit on. I’m at what feels like the very bottom and I keep getting shoved farther down. I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking my suicide would at least provide them with security financially. We have no family support, and no emergency funds or even regular funds either.

Here is what grinds my gears: Any time I have to charge my phone, I'll get on my computer to do things. Every single time I log into anything, it sends a code to my phone. Then I have to get up, sometimes go to a different floor, to go look at my phone. Why cant they just send a code to my email? Me having to get up to look at my phone a billion times defeats the purpose of being on my computer. If I could be on my phone, I would. Just let email be an option to send a code to!

Thank you for responding, and I'm sorry you went through that. How and when did the memories come back? Was it all at once? Little by litte? I had a pretty good childhood. No abuse (that I can remember). Prettty normal, healthy family. But it still bothers me because I know the things I was doing weren't normal. And I don't know why I would have done them. I became sexually active when I was 16, but I was never what I would consider promiscuous. All of my sexual encounters have been consentual. I'm 52 now and married for 20 years. There has been nothing in my adult or sexual life (since becoming willingly active at 16) that would lead me to believe I suffered any sexual abuse. But my behavior as a child is still troubling.

1/2 For a second there, I literally thought that maybe I had posted this myself, and forgot about it - until I saw the date. Our stories are so similar. I also have memories back to age 2, right before my mom died, but then a lot is blocked. I was raised by relatives, the female of whom was severely abusive - physical, mental, verbal, and I believe sexual as well. I began exposing myself to friends as a young age, and encouraging them to do the same (I'm disgusted with this, although I now know there was a reason). I also started masturbating at a young age, and was very promiscuous towards the end of high school and until my mid-20s. I don't remember things I said in high school, but I remember being called a slut - and that was well before I even kissed a boy for the first time. I'm 55 now now, and a few years ago the memories started coming back. How another relative asked if this female who raised me had ever touched me. How I told a guy I'd met on vacation (CON'T)

2/2 and slept with, that I couldn't orgasm unless I thought about this female doing things to me. Last year, while in the shower and rinsing my backside, I remembered how she would make me bend over in the shower and spread my cheeks so she could "make sure it was clean." How she would make me take naps with her, and press my backside to hers. She would wear a nightgown with no panties for naps, and would pull it up so her exposed backside was touching mine. How she graphically talked about sexual things with me from a young age. I didn't find out until my 20s that she was cheating on her husband, and would take me to the guy's place where I'd sit and watch tv while they were in the bedroom. Maybe he touched me, too, idk. But these memories led to me not wanting intimacy as much with my husband - who then cheated, and now we're getting divorced.

When my dad died, I was unbelievably angry that it was him and not my mom. She is a terrible person. Or is she a decent person and I’m the terrible one? I don’t know anymore. Anyway- I thought I was done being angry until I found out she’s “seeing someone”. She does all the things with him that she never did with my dad. She made my dad and us so miserable and now she’s trying to be happy and I’m so angry about it. I tried to talk to my H, but he just got mad at me for “saying I’m happy and that I’m not mad” and that he “must have failed me somehow since I have these feelings”. So now I feel guilty for feeling this way, angry about the situation, and guilty for talking to my H about it. So I’m here talking about it. I wish I could afford therapy. It’s $400/session with insurance here.

Looking back to when I was a kid, I displayed a lot of signs of being sexually abused. I would do inappropriate things like intentionally expose myself. This was when I was really young, like maybe 7 or 8 years old. I also had bathroom accidents much longer than I should have. I remember my parents asking me why I didn't use the toilet and I remember honestly not knowing. I also started masterbating at a really young age. I have very detailed memories of all these things and my thoughts at the time. But I have zero memories of any kind of abuse or even feeling uncomfortable around any particular people. I'll add that I have very distinct memories going back to as early as age 2 about just general stuff, not just these things, which I don't think is common. I just can't help but wonder if I was sexually abused and just blocked the memory somehow.

I feel you. All of our expenses have gone up even more than that. Homeowners and car insurance in our state has skyrocketed - like doubled in the last 2 years. I've compared rates, and it's gone up across the board, so we're stuck with it. Shop around on your phone and internet. I have phone servive through T-Mobile, and my rates are guaranteed forever. It's been like 5 years, and they have never gone up.

Everything just went up. The mortgage just went up $211 for taxes and insurance. I got more quotes for insurance but they're all about the same. Internet went up $35. Cell phone went up $21+ tax ($7 a line). Electricity went up $30 (we pay a flat rate based on previous 12 months of usage+rates, our usage didn't go up but the rates did). Car insurance went up $20/mo. (no accidents or tickets) Our SiriusXM account went up $3 (it was $20 but I got us a new deal). It all went up this month. We're now paying $320 more a month in bills than a month ago. Who can just afford to spend an extra $320/mo? We don't have tv streaming services, our only luxury is the xm radio...it's the only sanity my H has on his hour drive to/from work. Anyone else having this issue where the majority of their bills increased in a short time frame?

I don't get how when someone gets sober, people are constantly making a big deal of them getting sober. This person stole for their habit, lied, assaulted people, put others in danger, jail, and destroyed other peoples lives...and they get celebrated. Yet no one cares that another person never did drugs, never drank, never stole, never hurt anyone else, and has never even gotten so much as a traffic ticket. The person who made good decisions is ignored while the person who made bad decisions is being treated like royalty.