Face is still lopsided from Botox. Too depressed to get out of bed.

Two weeks after botox I noticed that one eyebrow looked lower than the other. I thought it was my imagination but they told me to come back in two weeks if I had "uneven results." I thought that meant it might work on one side more than the other which is also true- on the side where my eyebrow is higher I still have forehead wrinkles. I went back in and they injected me with dysport which they said would "even me out" by raising my one eyebrow. Nothing about the fact that I still have wrinkles on one side. This is supposed to be the best place around, in an expensive suburb in another county. I don't even want to leave the house looking like this. I just called them and said that if this doesn't work in three days to correct the situation they are going to refund my money! I'm so depressed, embarrassed, and anxious right now. I want to cry.

Somehow never enough and yet also too much. If I could guarantee it would work, I would off myself right now. I'm sick of living with myself knowing I'll never be anything but a temporary space filler.

My H says our sex life is not exciting anymore, and that he feels like I think it's a chore. I dont, and I don't get why he feels that way. Sex is weird for me bc I'm on the spectrum and have germaphobe issues, but I do my best to never say no and always be enthusiastic. I just sometimes ask that he not go down on me bc I get grossed out by the thought and can't handle it that day (I've never told him the reason, just asked him not to). We've been doing this for 13 years and it's only just recently become an issue. He also gets super offended when I need lube?! Like.. it's not anyones fault, I just need it. I'm hoping there are some books or blogs that can help me understand what the issue is. I really don't get it at all.

My mom is nuts- and I am a horrid person. I wish she would just disappear off the face of the planet. She's manipulative and crazy. My H hates her and refuses to entertain her and stays mad at me when I allow her a little contact. My kids love her and don't understand why I avoid interaction with her, so they stay upset with me. I wish I had either cut her off before I had kids or covered up for her so I wouldn't have to deal with her, H, and my kids all being upset with me for shit I'm not at fault for. Im 100% guilty of choosing the cowards way out by avoiding it. I can't abandon her, I don't know why. I don't contact her much, just enough to keep her from showing up at my house even though I've made it as clear as I can that she isn't welcome here. I feel so guilty 24/7 for trying to protect myself, and my H doesnt help bc he's constantly berating me for feeling guilty about it. I wish I didn't know either of them. I don't know how to face them and I don't want to. I just want peace

Oh, and seeing your picture just put me into such a bad mood. Also sad. My heart hurts today. I hope i can shake this feeling, my husband already asked if anything was bothering me.

I love you AJ. I’m so in love with you I can’t stand it. I wish you were by my side as my husband. I miss you so much and I miss your voice. I wish you were here.

I am upset and need to vent. I live with two housemates and one of them is the landlord (former nurse in her 60s) who got sick recently. I, mostly out of town, didn't come home until Monday (yesterday) when she tells me she got sick over the wknd. Says took Covid test, was negative. Meanwhile, she's coughing in the living room with no mask. I stay in my room, wear mask when I go to shared spaces. Later that night, she's still on the couch, visibly sick, no mask. I wish I called her out for not wearing one. The next morning when I leave the house, I see her used tissues just laying around. Today she texted that she tested negative twice, but last night was Positive and will be wearing a mask. Don't you think that's too effin late!! The pathetic irony as she is a former nurse and all prev housemates (including her) got Covid b4 thru her son. I was not renting then. I haven't replied to her text...too upset. I happen to be out of town for my bday and now don't really want to return.

I'm so tired of applying for jobs. I literally can't even focus on it. "Back in the day" you could just type up a resume and be done. Now it has to be tailored for each job application and make sure it has the right keywords so it doesn't get an automatic denial. I'm sick of it. I just need a job. All these places are "so desperate" but apparently not enough to fucking hire someone with 15 years experience, 2 degrees, and a clean background. Can't even get interviews because I suck at marketing myself.

New roommate already bringing her boyfriend over a lot and it's only been a week! I hate that I hear them right next to my room. It makes me bummed that I'm not in a relationship.