Down to 1k/1.2k calories a day of 98% fruits, veggies, and grains and one drink as a treat, walking 1-2 miles a day and doing pilates every day and cannot shift this weight at all. I want to lose 30 pounds, but realistically I know if I don't start seeing results I'm going to give up again. Ive lost maybe 1/2 inch in my waist, but gained inches everywhere else too. I hate this.

They say if you have mental illness talk about it. My mum basically invalidated my feelings and said I didn’t feel that way. My dad screamed at me about my responsibilities and how selfish I was to be thinking this way. My best friend immediately brushed off what I was saying with, “everybody went crazy during the pandemic” and again, invalidated me. My boyfriend basically said “there there” and moved on. Fucking hilarious. I am drowning and literally nobody cares. My advice is if you’re suicidal, don’t talk about it. Chances are if you’re suicidal your support network blows and I can tell you now, everybody is just going to make you feel more alone and worse. Then they gaslight you at your funeral with, “why didn’t she talk to uuuussssss?”

My husband made a salad last night and used bolted cilantro from our garden. He doesn't know that bolted cilantro is essentially fennel. So.... he just hates fennel (always has) and made a salad with a whole lot of fennel flavor... and LOVED it. I swear you can't make this shit up. I guess it's only when I use fennel that he hates it. I love fennel and never use it because of him. Well... THAT'S over.

I'm partially caring for the landlord's dogs while she's on vacation. Her son also comes over to help along with the other housemate. When he comes, the whole house turns into a freakin' mess. The other housemate is home and supposed to care for them, too. I leave for the weekend and come home to find their water bowls completely dry, dirty dishes everywhere and can't find the leash to take them on a walk them. WTF! What were they doing all weekend?!?!

Not to mention her awful handling when she got Covid. She's really been something else and living her has been way more stressful that I need.

I can't wait to move out of here when my lease ends in 2 months. Landlord has been such a toxic Debbie Downer about everything, I have never lived with such a toxic landlord. She had an outburst last weekend and never once apologized for it, but tried to blame me. She has anger issues, I've seen her get mad at her aging dogs. Thank god she's going out of country Monday for 1 month. I'm having a celebration dinner.

I don't have advice for you because this is me too. Different trauma but wow, that moment when you realize that your entire personality is basically trauma response. I have no clue what you should do. I'm just trying to view myself through that lens so I can at least try to be aware of this type of response as it's happening. If you figure it out, let me know. I think the worst part is seeing what it's done to my kids. My son is just like me and it makes me pretty sad. I wanted more for him. My daughter? She's too young for me to see for sure how my personal sh*t has affected her. I'm sure I screwed her up too. Time will tell.

When we got married he was abusive, had no interest in parenting the child we got married for, worked all the time, and generally hated us. I picked up the slack, worked, raised our son, compensated for all his disinterest, and supported him. I stayed through everything bc I thought that was what you were supposed to do. Now, with 2 kids, he's accusing me of never allowing him to parent, never letting him speak, never trusting him. And he's right. I dont. In trying to protect my kids, be the opposite of my mother, and also encourage and support this man who I couldn't see didn't want me or us, I took away any respect he had for himself and any respect the kids had for him. At the end of the day, I am the cause of his issues, my issues, and my kids issues. By trying to do and be everything that everyone else needed because it took me 15 years to realize that all of me is a trauma response and I am not a real person. So where the hell do I go now? What do I do? How do I fix any of this?

Everybody acting up at one time. They all seem to know when I'm at my lowest and suddenly come out of the woodwork expecting me to do the emotional work to help them get back on their feet. I don't have any more to give, my cup is past empty. Come back another day or stay mad, IDGAF.

The Botox clinic owner seems to understand that they really screwed up. She gave me a full refund and had their medical director call me to discuss my options and answer my questions. The medical director did not minimize my concerns and told me the nurse practitioner was wrong to tell me that the injection of Dysport would be a quick fix. She called in a prescription for an eye drop that might help, no charge and was clear that it might not help. When I asked if I could have a copy of the release I had signed as well as my treatment record she said absolutely. She said my drooping eyelid would start to get better in two weeks but would probably take two months to get completely better. At least she was honest. And kind, unlike the clinic owner. I am never doing this again!