Stream Of Consciousness
Posted by: anonymous
2022-08-04 12:54:19
ID: 68480
In response to a confession. I don't have advice for you because this is me too. Different trauma but wow, that moment when you realize that your entire personality is basically trauma response. I have no clue what you should do. I'm just trying to view myself through that lens so I can at least try to be aware of this type of response as it's happening. If you figure it out, let me know. I think the worst part is seeing what it's done to my kids. My son is just like me and it makes me pretty sad. I wanted more for him. My daughter? She's too young for me to see for sure how my personal sh*t has affected her. I'm sure I screwed her up too. Time will tell.
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-08-03 16:47:45
ID: 68478
When we got married he was abusive, had no interest in parenting the child we got married for, worked all the time, and generally hated us. I picked up the slack, worked, raised our son, compensated for all his disinterest, and supported him. I stayed through everything bc I thought that was what you were supposed to do. Now, with 2 kids, he's accusing me of never allowing him to parent, never letting him speak, never trusting him. And he's right. I dont. In trying to protect my kids, be the opposite of my mother, and also encourage and support this man who I couldn't see didn't want me or us, I took away any respect he had for himself and any respect the kids had for him. At the end of the day, I am the cause of his issues, my issues, and my kids issues. By trying to do and be everything that everyone else needed because it took me 15 years to realize that all of me is a trauma response and I am not a real person. So where the hell do I go now? What do I do? How do I fix any of this?
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-08-03 15:25:56
ID: 68477
Everybody acting up at one time. They all seem to know when I'm at my lowest and suddenly come out of the woodwork expecting me to do the emotional work to help them get back on their feet. I don't have any more to give, my cup is past empty. Come back another day or stay mad, IDGAF.
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-08-02 00:04:09
ID: 68474
The Botox clinic owner seems to understand that they really screwed up. She gave me a full refund and had their medical director call me to discuss my options and answer my questions. The medical director did not minimize my concerns and told me the nurse practitioner was wrong to tell me that the injection of Dysport would be a quick fix. She called in a prescription for an eye drop that might help, no charge and was clear that it might not help. When I asked if I could have a copy of the release I had signed as well as my treatment record she said absolutely. She said my drooping eyelid would start to get better in two weeks but would probably take two months to get completely better. At least she was honest. And kind, unlike the clinic owner. I am never doing this again!
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-07-30 22:00:18
ID: 68471
Face is still lopsided from Botox. Too depressed to get out of bed.
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-07-29 20:57:41
ID: 68469
Two weeks after botox I noticed that one eyebrow looked lower than the other. I thought it was my imagination but they told me to come back in two weeks if I had "uneven results." I thought that meant it might work on one side more than the other which is also true- on the side where my eyebrow is higher I still have forehead wrinkles. I went back in and they injected me with dysport which they said would "even me out" by raising my one eyebrow. Nothing about the fact that I still have wrinkles on one side. This is supposed to be the best place around, in an expensive suburb in another county. I don't even want to leave the house looking like this. I just called them and said that if this doesn't work in three days to correct the situation they are going to refund my money! I'm so depressed, embarrassed, and anxious right now. I want to cry.
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-07-27 16:00:50
ID: 68466
Somehow never enough and yet also too much. If I could guarantee it would work, I would off myself right now. I'm sick of living with myself knowing I'll never be anything but a temporary space filler.
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-07-20 12:33:19
ID: 68456
My H says our sex life is not exciting anymore, and that he feels like I think it's a chore. I dont, and I don't get why he feels that way. Sex is weird for me bc I'm on the spectrum and have germaphobe issues, but I do my best to never say no and always be enthusiastic. I just sometimes ask that he not go down on me bc I get grossed out by the thought and can't handle it that day (I've never told him the reason, just asked him not to). We've been doing this for 13 years and it's only just recently become an issue. He also gets super offended when I need lube?! Like.. it's not anyones fault, I just need it. I'm hoping there are some books or blogs that can help me understand what the issue is. I really don't get it at all.
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-07-18 20:59:13
ID: 68453
My mom is nuts- and I am a horrid person. I wish she would just disappear off the face of the planet. She's manipulative and crazy. My H hates her and refuses to entertain her and stays mad at me when I allow her a little contact. My kids love her and don't understand why I avoid interaction with her, so they stay upset with me. I wish I had either cut her off before I had kids or covered up for her so I wouldn't have to deal with her, H, and my kids all being upset with me for shit I'm not at fault for. Im 100% guilty of choosing the cowards way out by avoiding it. I can't abandon her, I don't know why. I don't contact her much, just enough to keep her from showing up at my house even though I've made it as clear as I can that she isn't welcome here. I feel so guilty 24/7 for trying to protect myself, and my H doesnt help bc he's constantly berating me for feeling guilty about it. I wish I didn't know either of them. I don't know how to face them and I don't want to. I just want peace
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Posted by: anonymous
2022-07-16 22:18:31
ID: 68449
Oh, and seeing your picture just put me into such a bad mood. Also sad. My heart hurts today. I hope i can shake this feeling, my husband already asked if anything was bothering me.
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