The two bills I've gotten so far: my husband could have had me cremated, thrown a modest memorial, and had our house re-roofed. Instead I'm alive, depressed, and in even more debt than I ever have been and still have a leak in my roof. That will now never get fixed. So. Yay. I get to work until I'm dead and still be in debt anyway. Can hospitals come after your kids after you're dead?

Day 2 of kayaking. I've talked the most today with the group. I'm shy, introverted, but I need to open up and let people in. It felt great to speak more than usual. Everyone got hugs (all vaccinated) and that felt so sweet and authentic. I love this program. Sad that it's over!

I mentioned a while ago about possibly needing to go a treatment center for my eating disorder soon. I had an intake appointment the other week and it was so embarrassing. I feel like I should be able to just eat, dammit and get better from this on my own. I also don't know if I can even go to treatment now due to work and not being able to get enough FMLA to complete their program. Plus it's going to cost like $40K or something after my insurance covers their tiny bit because I'm not at a BMI below 14. So yeah. Maybe I'll just starve longer and get to the point where I really don't have a choice. The whole situation is frustrating.

I had kayaking trip with the outdoor program I'm in. I'm a bit rusty on kayaking and always worry I'll make a fool out of my self. But I'm so proud that I did really amazing despite being the strong winds! We're at our another kayaking trip tomorrow and can't wait!

Sorry to hear you have been dealing with this! I wish you were in Canada, where you could have gone to the ER and gotten the scans and treatment without a bill, even if they didn't find anything until it was acutely inflamed. Appendicitis can be tricky and its awful that you have to keep paying when they can't do anything until it's bad enough. Canadian healthcare has its problems, but at least bills are not one of them. Best of luck on a speedy recovery.

(con'td) where they give me morphine and prep me for a cat scan. The nurse asked me if I'd ever felt this before, and I told him yes and explained. He told me I had likely been experiencing chronic appendicitis which is very hard to diagnose. They can only see it on a scan if it's acute. Turns out that's what it was (acute appendicitis) and I had to have emergency surgery. Bottom line: if I had gone to the Dr last fall they would have given me scans and tests and charged me hundreds of dollars and found nothing. And last week, I would have absolutely refused to go see another useless doctor. No way in hell. And I'd probably have burst my appendix while DH was at work and could have easily died. So yeah. That happened. Now I feel like my body doesn't even belong to me. Still trying to recover from surgery.

Last fall I got sicker than I'd ever been in my life. Horrific abdominal pain. Days of pain and not being able to eat. I thought it was food poisoning, I'd gotten that same pain before but never that bad. I became kind of afraid to eat, not knowing what was making me sick. Kept getting that pain, intermittently a couple times a month but not as bad. Stopped eating a whole lot of things. Kept happening. Tried even harder to dial in my diet. Kept happening. Then, a week ago it happened again. Worse than anything I'd ever experienced. I've never actually been stabbed, but it felt like stab wounds. Like I half expected to see blood. At least then I would have had a reason for why I was dying. Broke down and let DH & FIL force me to go to the walk in clinic. (In my life experience, doctors are less than useless and I hate going) Well, without even a real exam they sent me to the ER at the nearest hospital telling me I probably have appendicitis. I get to the ER (cont'd)

Returning to aerial yoga! This time we're outdoors at a private residence. Class was freakin' amazing...I so missed hanging upside down and being out in the sun was a major bonus!

I have been feeling incredibly sapped with fatigue these last few months. I will take a few naps and never feel rested after a full night's sleep. I'm realizing now that I also have not been exercising at all. No wonder I've been so dang tired. I went for a 4.5 mile run today and felt liberating to challenge my body on some hills. Exercise is the last thing I want to do after long, draining day, but I realize how important it is for energy and my mental health.

Putting my wet hair in a bun for an hour then letting it down allows beachy waves! Duly noted. My hair looks amazing right now. Long-ish waves. :) It's nice to do something fun and different for yourself even if it's just for you that will be seeing it.