My point with sharing my step-sister's story was that you can't assume all (or even most) SAHMs are stupid. You have no idea what someone's financial situation is. I see a lot of people here assuming that all SAHMs are screwed if they need to leave, which is not true. I know a ton of working moms who would be screwed if they got divorced. They have built a life around two incomes and would have no way to afford their house, neighborhood, car, private schools, etc. without their husband's income, even though they may have successful careers too.

Yes, because she planned, got an education and a career before having children, and did not put herself in a position of getting stuck with a husband she didnt want because of money. She looked after her best interests, she's smart.

My DH is the most depressing person to talk to sometimes. He comes home from work and whines about how crappy his day was. He stays up late just arguing with me about politics and talking about various mechanic-stuff he's working on in the garage (sorry, DH, but I do not give a damn about gear ratios, torque, or whatever else you are yammering about). He never just wants to talk about anything light-hearted. He's always analyzing every single thing that happens and he's just exhausting to listen to. I need some better people to just chat with. People who don't constantly make me feel on edge and exhausted.

Your step-sister sounds just like us, only DH and I aren't planning to divorce. I realize things could get ugly at some point if it were to happen, but I have a solid family support system-places to go, ways to get an income, etc.Not everyone has that and I agree it is very wise to think of your future. I do plan to work again once my kids don't need daycare, being a SAHM is not my long term plan.

I wrote the confession this is a response to. I agree completely about not combining finances. I'm in the process of divorcing my exh and we had only joint accounts and it made for trouble our entire marriage. He also used it to fund a 6 month affair before leaving me. While I trust my boyfriend completely I won't ever open myself up to that again... I mean, I did trust my ex completely and look how that worked out. I know my boyfriend was joking though, he barely lets me buy my own lunch when we are together...he wouldn't let me pay for a vacation anywhere without big resistance.

You can be a SAHM and still be OK financially. My step-sister went through a divorce about 2 years ago. The kids were both in elementary school. She has a college degree and had a solid career for 10 years before leaving the workforce when her oldest was born. She's in a community property state, so she knew she was entitled to half of everything. ALL accounts were in both of their names, investment, bank, credit card, college savings, etc. They had separate IRAs just because they could contribute more to them that way, but the amounts were equal. Because her name was on everything. She always knew how much was in them. When she was going to leave, she saved all the statements in case he decided to start pulling money out (courts would give half of what was in them before to her). She got half of everything (including the proceeds of the house) + child support. She was able to go back to work pretty easily, and her lifestyle is pretty much the same as before the divorce.

I have been married for 15 years and my dh and I still have separate checking accounts, even at different banks. We never got around to opening a joint one. We've never had any issues or fights either. I have no idea how much money my dh has in his or vice versa. I know he would tell/show me if I asked but I never really cared. It may seem weird to some but it works for us!

I definitely agree with financial independence as women. Very important. I say this, even though DH and I do share finances. But we don't let finances control us. He respects money and is responsible w/ it and doesn't have any baggage connected to money. If we ever separate, he's already said he'd give me alimony if i asked for it (which i won't). We have almost adult aged kids so child support won't be an issue. I'm pretty lucky though with him being so disconnected to money. But others aren't so lucky and it can be a problem. As we know by reading these money-problem posts.

Well, I wish he was different in this aspect. I know I can't tolerate this long-term. I already feel like I have to help him "take care" of stuff - he doesn't exactly ask, and I'm not mothering him, but jeez... Bummer to say good-bye. That's always hard, for me.

Do not share money with your bf. Keep everything separate and make sure you are always financially independent. If he starts showing signs of poor money management, leave him. Don't end up like all the women on here who are stuck with some asshole because of money. I know, everyone will say "its not that easy, what if she loooooves him!!!" They are full of shit. Financial freedom is more important than feelings. Have you ever heard a man say he was stuck with a woman because of money? No, probably not.