My dad basically used "roughhousing" as a cover for abuse. I was tomboyish and like a lot of kids would love it at first, until he would hold my hands and feet together (sometimes he would wrap my arms in like a bathrobe belt or something) and clap his hand over my mouth. I would be screaming by this point and panicking my head off. Now I have such fear of panic attacks that I have chronic avoidance as well as a personality disorder. I also freeze every time I am vaguely threatened, I worry if someone tried to rape me I would not even attempt to get away, I'd just freeze. It maybe sounds ridiculous compared to what some had been through but the terror of being held down by this giant human laughing while I was screaming at him was horrible. Now he acts like a dick to everyone (especially my mother) but uses the fact that he throws money at people as often as he can to behave like we're the selfish ones.

The older I get, the more I realize how emotionally abusive my parents were. I have emotional issues now, but honestly, I am surprised I do not have a lot more. I posted on Truu and on here about something that happened in middle school, and yes I still think about it as an adult. (see confession 3649 in Parenting) And that was only ONE thing that happened. Mom's laziness and Dad's "strong personality" and inability to keep a job meant very little money growing up. My parents have both passed away now, I hate to say this but I am somewhat better off emotionally now. I realize now I should have distanced myself from them. But they had me convinced I could not do anything on my own, and even hid my mail so my credit got hit. Bad credit means no apartment or car loan, and staying dependent.

I can easily, EASILY gain 10 pounds in a week. But I need to weigh and measure every morsel that enters my mouth and practically run amarathon every day for 2-3 months in order to lose 10 pounds. Such bullshit. No wonder so many people are overweight. And yes, I've seen doctors, nutritionists, and every other professional alive with no better results.

Has anyone here had a COVID breakthrough case? There are no tests available near me, but I feel like I've been under the weather forever now. Fatigued, limbs feel heavy, mildly scratchy/sore throat, and some congestion. And I just feel off if that makes sense. Just wondering how long this mess is going to last. I'm being careful to try not to expose anyone just in case.

Talk to a therapist. For years, I believed I had narcissistic tendencies. It's one of the main reasons I chose to remain childfree. Turns out, my mental health issues (none of which are related to narcissistic tendencies lol) all stem from my narcissistic mother. Talking to a good therapist was mind blowing.

I've been convinced for years that my mom was the source of all my problems. I believed she was a narcissistic, gaslighting parent. But now I'm pretty sure the problem has been me all along. I think I'm the narcissist. So what do I do now?

I am all kinds of messed up. I'm usually on top of everything, but I've forgotten 3 appointments, forgotten to bring vital items to 4 different events, and today Super Bitch came out and I was rude and ugly and couldn't take a joke all day. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I need to get ahold of myself. I am such a piece of shit.

Hometown news: Another classmate of mine from HS has died of covid. Bunch of Republican nutters around that area. I wonder how many more people from my hometown will have to die before the vaccination rate in that county actually starts to go up. I will say, though, that in watching the vaccination rates in my state- the county I live in currently is right around 40% and my hometown county is at about 55%. This is just such a backward thing. I love living in the sticks, but damn. There are some seriously backward nutters out here.

I am 49 and have every symptom of menopause / perimenpause except not having a period, which now just comes randomly. Could be in 5 weeks, could be in 2 weeks (that's fun), but never do I just not get a period. I can't sleep, have hot flashes, weight gain, random breast pain, itchy skin - OMG, so itchy, fatigue, weight gain, anxiety, and eveyr other shit symptom. But the ONE thing I actually want - no more periods or even less frequent periods- is the one symptom I don't have. This is bullshit

I’m just so sad.