I feel like it wasn't something he was hiding from his wife. Maybe the times he said he couldn't, he really couldn't. He was working, after all. Now that he's not, he said yes right away. We actually talked about our spouses and kids a lot. Oh, and did I mention how good he looked? He's always been put together, well groomed and whatnot. But something about seeing him in non-work clothes was really sexy.

Yep you were probably over thinking and over analyzing everything, I know that feeling. He probably didn't even notice any difference in the behavior. I wonder if he told his wife about your lunch?

Thank you! Yes, it was just...different. I don't know how to explain it. But not necessarily bad. If anything, I think it was me. Almost like I was trying too hard. IDK. There is still a small chance that the stars will align, and we will work for the same organization again. Maybe not together, but still just a Teams chat/call away. He said he has been approached about a possible role back in our federal agency but it's still unsure if the role will be created and said he didn't know if he would take it if it were. He also just has a ton of contacts there. And God damn, he really does look good.

Well that kind of sucks but at least you can realize and acknowledge that work was the main binder of you two. Friends make the best lovers, so one day it will come to you if it is meant to be. Cheesy, but true. Glad you got to see him and catch up, even as only friends.

Had lunch with Boss. So, first thing. He looks good. Really good. But it was weird. Not bad, but different. It wasn't flirty at all. Just two friends having lunch. But it was almost like the chemistry was off or something. Don't get me wrong, it was great seeing him, and I still miss him. But it's like the conversation didn't flow as smoothly. I felt kind of awkward, like I didn't know what to say, and is the complete opposite of our usual conversations. It's like without work, it was obvious that we live very separate lives. IDK. But so glad to see him. The feelings are still there for me for sure, but I know this isn't going anywhere. I see us definitely keeping in touch, but it's not going to be more frequent or deeper. I love this man in all the ways, but the as-a-friend part is far more important to me now. He is just such a good, kind human, and I genuinely wish him every happiness - in his marriage, job, family, all of it. He deserves it.

I have to go to the office later this week. Reached out to boss to see if he could meet me for lunch, and he said yes :)

I get that it's always easier to confide in someone in the same field that understands that's going on, but I still feel hmmm about the heart emojis. I text with coworkers both male and female and have never used it. Anyway, hopefully things work out for both of you in your careers.

We do heart emojis a lot, actually. I think he confides in me because I understand everything that's going on just from working there too. I lot of it is complicated, so unless you work in the system, so to speak, it wouldn't really make sense or would be hard to explain. I also think he doesn't want to necessarily let his wife know how bad things are, because he doesn't want to burden her with that level of worry too. Like I think he's telling her the deal means he'll be paid through September, that's plenty of time to find a job, etc., which is what the propaganda, White House BS is telling fed workers. But boots on the ground & knowing what we know are telling us that's not really going to happen. We've both been married for about the same amount of time, me 21 years, him a little longer, I think. We both have 2 kids about the same age (college-aged).

First off, hope everything works out with (both) of your jobs. Heart emojis? Hmmm...and don't feel bad for what you told him, thinking it was what he needed to hear. I'm sure he appreciated the truth and not some sugar-coated BS. That is probably one of the reasons he confides in you. Does he have kids and how long has you/him been married? Just being nosy.

UPDATE - So I texted him the day after that call where I reacted badly and basically told him that what I should have said was - followed by a very heartfelt, totally innocent, message of support. He replied with THANK YOU!! and some heart emojis. We've texted a bunch since, but mostly just work related stuff. For now, all the stuff happening with the federal government is on our minds. Any flirty banter is kind of taking a back seat. Yes, I would love to work with him again. But I really just want to help him through all of this. My job's not necessarily secure either. I can not even begin to tell you how scary what's happening at the fed gov't is. It's much, much worse than people are hearing. And everyone who knows how bad things are and are about to be are too afraid of retributions to speak up.